I want candy (canes).

rays of light coming through clouds of smoke while someone burns their trash in the village.

Mail is the most exciting thing ever. How is it that someone in one place can slap a zip code on an envelope and pay a few cents and then days (or weeks…or months……) later it shows up at the exact intended recipient’s address? That is AMAZING! The postal service is more impressive to me than modern medicine or professional athletes. And knowing that someone took the time to sit down and write you a letter or put a package together for you is just so overwhelming. 

So a few weeks ago, my mom sent me three packages. THREE! Oh, when they came in I was so excited. But I opened them up and guess what was inside? Candy canes. Just candy canes, and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (because I asked for a lot of things a few posts back and nobody took that list of requests seriously except good, old Shari). But this sweetest mother of mine mailed me enough candy canes for the whole student body of YCHS, and maybe even enough for the whole population of Yap. What a woman. 

the seniors asked if they could take a picture with their candy canes to send to my mother. anything to miss a little class time, right?

After distributing the candy canes and threatening students so they would remember to not leave their wrappers lying around campus, so many of the students asked me to wish my mom Merry Christmas and thank her for the sweet surprise. It just made me remember how much I love my mom. So here’s to you, mama, you’re the greatest lady I know and I love ya so much.

If you recall from the last post, I moved recently. In becoming a resident of this new house I also inherited a cat who kills mice and rats. Mostly I just consider her a bouncer who keeps rodents out.

So the other day I came home to school to find THIS:

Like, still confused about where the majority of the rat’s body went. All that was left was one leg and the tail. I couldn’t stop laughing. It was just so funny to me how unfazed I am by stuff like this now. 

CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE FOR A SECOND?!

Unfazed.

Once, when I was in eight grade, there was a school-wide spelling bee and I was selected as a participant. In the first round, I was given the word “phase”. I didn’t ask for a definition or a sentence or anything, so I just blurted out, “Phase. F-A-Z-E. Phase.” *buzzer noise* nope. I still remember the embarrassment I felt. 14 years old, can’t even spell phase correctly. But if “unphased” isn’t a word and “unfazed” is, then “faze” is definitely a word and there should’ve been some kind of exception for my misspelling. 

Moving on.

But wait, first another thing about Ming.

She like climbs all over the screen on my window and just meows all night and it really cracks me up. It’s not annoying or anything it’s just so funny. So here’s a video of that.

After finals ended, we had a little celebration dinner at the Jesuits’ house. Masco, one of the Jesuits, shared “local sashimi” with us, which was literally dead minnows. Like straight up, just dead minnows. OBVIOUSLY I tried one because I will literally eat anything these days (as if I didn’t before) and it was not good. It wasn’t gross, it tasted just like regular sashimi (which is dope) except it was weird when the eyes exploded in my mouth and also I did not appreciate the texture or idea of the bones. But overall I’d give it a solid 5/10.

local sashimi.

Now that we’re out of school for Christmas break and Sarah and Abby are out of town, we have to get creative with ways to fill our time.

Nick and I literally just drove around the island the other day. We stopped at a store where one of our students works on the weekend and I got an ice cream cone and she hooked me UP and gave me a whole bunch of scoops because I’m the coolest teacher in town. That’s probably not why but whatever. It was really good ice cream and it was a dollar, which beats buying it by the gallon.

fat staaaaaacks, Mr. White.

As we drove around the island, I found myself saying, "I can't believe we live here." Sometimes I really do forget that I live on Yap right now. It's strange. I know I'm far away and the island feels small, but I forget that Yap is still that tiny speck on the map that you have to zoom in a million times to see. It's the little fleck on the map that I pointed to repeatedly for six months when people would ask where I was moving, where I'd be living. I'm here, I've been here for a while now, but sometimes I forget. Sometimes I look at the ocean and I think "oh, that's the Pacific Ocean." It's weird! To actually be living here.

I cried the whole second half of the day on the last day of exams because I just realized how much I'm going to miss my students over the break. I'm here, now. I'm really here. I'm really present. I'm really part of this. And I really love it.

And then after I cried and everyone made fun of me and my students were concerned I've seen like nine of them (at least) in the few days we've had off so far. So like, I'm fine.

Sunday we went back up to Maap for yoga with Sana. I hadn’t been in a few weeks because I was procrastinating with my school work and putting it off until Sunday afternoons which didn’t leave me free for yoga, but now I have literally nothing to do so no excuses. Yoga was so challenging and I’m so not good at it and Devi and I were just cracking each other up the whole time, but it was so much fun.

The following day, Nick, Devi, Mike and I went back to Maap for a beach day. Sana’s host mother cooked us dinner and it was so delicious. Grilled fish, taro, banana pancakes. So, so, so good. I love the local food but we hardly have the opportunity to eat it. 

spider the size of my hand, seen in Maap.

Nick and I ended up staying overnight at our friends Graham and Mercy’s house. They live on a little hill overlooking the beach and it was so wonderful. We wanted to get up early the next day to watch the sunrise, but it poured all morning. We got up anyway and went down to the beach until the wind nearly knocked me off of the coconut tree I was sitting on, so I just went back to bed for like three hours instead. Felt like an appropriate alternative.

view from the house. Maap is rad.

Yesterday we watched “Miracle.” Talk. About. Inspiring. Oh man there are so many good quotes but I can’t think of any. But don't tell me there's not a steady stream of tears coming down your face when Eruzione scores that goal in the third period to put USA up 4-3 over the Soviets. DANG. So patriotic. So important. So moving. 

So far the break has been good. Restful, entertaining, full of random activities and adventures. It doesn’t quite feel like Christmas is coming, but I’ll let you know if that changes in the next few days. 

I hope all of you and your families have a happy and blessed Christmas!

winter is coming.

Even though it sure doesn’t feel like it. It is strange to come to the realization that we are rounding the third lap of Advent and Christmas is nearly here. 

So yes, winter is coming.

And I’m not referring to a literal winter, because there is no variation in the temperature here. So of course by winter I mean “finals week”.

This week, the students will take their midterm exams. I’ve heard it called “hell week” and the exams are cumulative, which makes me the devil. What you never realize as a high school student is that as you review and study for six exams, your teacher is writing three cumulative exams and grading 30 tests and 40 papers just to finish getting your second quarter report card grade ready, before she then has to grade 60 (writing intensive) exams over the course of five days.

I’m not sure who has the more hellish experience, but this week will be followed by two full weeks off to recharge and just drink it all in. I’m so excited.

Last weekend, we had another clearing day at school, though it was only like 30% clearing back the jungle and pulling weeds, 30% decorating the campus for Christmas, and 40% me and Nick challenging each other to dance offs while we played Christmas pop hits and pretended not to notice while students filmed us.

the freshmen decided to do a little bit of "local decorating" on their classroom.

A few of the seniors and Devi and I put together the Christmas tree and they took control over ornament placement. It took far less time than the annual decorating of the Ackels family Christmas tree, where it’s always “who’s turn is it to put the star on top” and “the Cowboys ornaments have to be front and center” and “oh, I think you broke something” and “where are the icicles and the little stars” and “ugh Madeleine’s crying AGAIN” and “I didn’t do anything! (Jeff)”. But anyway, it really is lovely, walking into school each morning to see a well-lit, well-decorated Christmas tree immediately preceded by a nativity and surrounded by lights. I dig it.

Speaking of digging things. 

I got new digs.

Translation: I moved.

deuces, mcs apt 103.

This weekend, Sarah and I moved out of the apartment we had grown to love so much and into a house just down the road from the house that shelters the other 3/5 of our volunteer crew. We were sad to leave the neighbors that wished us well on our way to school each day and greeted us with big smiles and waves as we came home, but settling into our new place has been so exciting.

I was nervous that moving would be a pretty negative thing. I figured that it would just be another huge adjustment that I wasn’t ready for, but it has proven to be quite the opposite. I love this new place. Lots of things are different (for starters, we have a cat - Ming (not sure about the spelling)), but it’s all so great. 

I celebrated the move by eating a bag of peanut butter m&m’s that I bought in the Honolulu airport on my way out here, exactly 4 months ago. I threw them in the freezer the night we moved into the apartment and forgot about them until we moved out.

I spent all day Sunday arranging my room instead of grading essays about The Catcher in the Rye, and I must say it looks pretty damn good. I have only ever had my own room three times in my life: senior year of college, the apartment I just lived in, and the house I live in now. Each of these times, my room has been slightly different, but two major things remain the same: 1) a wall completely splattered with pictures of my favorite people and places and 2) a moss and amber candle from urban outfitters. IT’S THE BEST CANDLE SCENT THERE IS, I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. It smells like the way I used to feel when I would lay on my bed and read by light of the string of lights that framed my ceiling in 301 while some vinyl record played in the living room on the other side of my wall covered in maps of Ireland and posters of my favorite bands. Ugh. The coziest. When I’m feeling uncomfortable here, I just smell that candle and put myself right back on that bed in my first-ever room to myself.

weirdly obsessed with keeping my laptop on that shelf. I don't know. it just feels right.

Anyway, I’m loving this new house. In moving to a new spot, I was hopeful that we’d possibly escape the chronic ant problem that we faced at the apartment (though I was also secretly hoping not to lose the ants entirely, because dead ants have been the subject of a weirdly large portion of my tweets since arriving on Yap and I think it’s really boosting my street cred). 

So, bittersweet news:

The ants are very much present up here. So far, I have seen far less ants than I was used to seeing in one day, but the ants here are a whole new breed. They’re bigger, faster, and stronger, too (“he’s the first member of the DK crew, HUH!”). They move at unfathomable speeds but they stay in their space. I’m thinking they probably won’t try to eat my clothes like the others did. Cross your fingers.

Last week there was a power outage. It was scheduled, only to last a couple of hours. Well. It lasted for over 8 hours. That’s right. EIGHT. And I had to grade 20 rough drafts of an essay all in one night (because I’m SO NICE). When the sun went down and the candles weren’t cutting it, I remembered I had something worth more than gold hiding in my closet. 

A headlamp. 

ptl for headlamps + generous strangers.

Prettyyyyyy sure this headlamp was lent to me by a stranger in Utah. And then I accidentally put it in my purse and it ended up in Yap. I’m also pretty sure she told me it cost one dollar. So I didn’t expect it to work.

But boy, did it work.

I graded the essays by light of a weak, cheap headlamp. Just like the pioneers used to do.

Last Friday, we had a Lessons and Carols program at school and it was AMAZING.

It was held outside, under the giant tree in the center of campus. There was a great turnout - lots of parents and families, but also lots of people from the community. It was so nice to see people come together to listen to our students sing songs that remind us all of the importance of preparing ourselves and our hearts for the coming of our Savior. It was a zesty evening.

lessons and carols.

But before the night got started, we spent a few hours after school on campus just hanging out with some of the students.

One of the freshmen girls brought a bunch of leaves and flowers to make nuunuws. Another student gave me a quick tutorial and taught me how to properly weave the flowers into the leaves and make the floral headpiece I have quickly come to obsess over. 

Y’all. I freaking love nuunuws. They’re my favorite. I wish I could make one for all of you but they’d just die in the mail + I’m pretty sure you can’t mail plants and stuff out of the country.

meet Agnes, local beast and professional nuunuw maker. this is definitely my favorite nuunuw so far.

We ran out of leaves quickly, so I couldn’t make mine long enough. So the first (and only) nuunuw I made was actually just a bracelet, but it’s still pretty sweet.

check out the bracelet!

Fast forward to Lessons and Carols. 

Obviously I cried, because these kids have some serious pipes (“oh my gosh, nice pipes Tomika”). As I sat and listened, I couldn’t help but think about how much I love being here.

Over the past 4 months, I have been pretty unsatisfied with my decision to come here. I felt confused and unsure and uncomfortable and lonely and so many other things I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t know how to overcome any of that. But sometimes you just wake up with a new attitude and things just start to get better.

I realized just this weekend how much I love Yap - her people, her opportunities, her natural beauty. I love being a part of this island. I love knowing this place. I love my job and my room and all of the exposure I’ve had to new people and ways of thinking and FOOD. 

I turned around to look at the sun setting behind me just after I started weeping over my students’ voices. It made me feel so secure in my decision to come here, to remain here, to push myself to be present here. It’s all still a work in progress (and it will be until the very last hour), but I’m so confident in this now.

that. sky.

Funny how the sky can make you feel such strong things.

Well, peeps. Two more weeks until Christmas. I can’t believe it. I hope you’re staying bundled and you’re thinking of me every time you wear a sweater because man, I love sweaters more than I love Coldplay.

That’s absolutely not true. But I was thinking this week that if people don’t like Coldplay it’s because they’ve never listened to “Swallowed in the Sea”. So if you haven’t heard it, go change your life and get back to me. 

happy gaudete sunday, friends!