spider face.

This week, I have some weirdo stories and lots of pictures. Before I get sucked into the tornado of trying to type my thoughts as quickly as they come, I just want to thank all of you who read this for being in my life. I’ve been thinking so much lately about the way people come and go in our lives. It’s weird to me that we can love someone at one point but then at another point not speak to them. Like when you grow apart from a friend that once meant so much to you. I think of all of the friends I've had that used to fill time with their company and conversation but now I never see them. Is it possible, or even healthy, to try to maintain every relationship that ever held meaning to us? Or are we meant to be, for lack of a better word, fickle in our relationships in this way? AHH! It’s stressing me out, thinking about this. This train is derailing, but all I’m trying to say is thank you for reading my blog and for being part of my life right now. No matter your role, you mean a lot to me and I love you and am grateful for you.

lunchtime views.

Okay, here we go.

Lately I’ve been applying for jobs and graduate school and that’s way more exciting to me than it should be so I’m letting it consume all of my time and energy. My Saturday night was me sitting up in bed until 2 AM blaring Florence + The Machine and listening to the rain while I sent more emails than I could count.

I’ve decided that applying to grad school is literally just sending a hundred emails a day.

“send my transcripts!”

“answer my questions!”

“interview me!”

“send my GRE scores!”

“write my recommendation!”

“give me attention!”

It’s enough to wear a girl out.

yapese sunset + solitary star.

Speaking of being worn out… you know what’s exhausting? BREATHING WHILE YOU SCUBA DIVE. But only when you’re bad at it. Like I am. But it’s cool, because we have to use the buddy system (body system… “Nuhs Joohlie! I have a knot in my sciatic nerve, perhaps you could give me a deep tissue massage?”).

I just want to give a shout out right now to all the people in my life who are mouth breathers due to their deviated septums. I am super jealous of you. Breathing in and out of your mouth is so unnatural to me, but it’s what you have to do to survive in an open water diving instructional course. 

Sarah, Nick, Abby, and I just started our dive certification classes this weekend. We have to do five closed-water dives in the pool followed by four open-water dives in the ocean before we’re fully trained divers, but we’re off to a good start. It is exhausting, but so much fun.

solo drives.

The best part was that I got to wear a wetsuit. As I was putting it on, the most wonderful feeling overcame me. 

I don’t know how many of you have ever been in my room at my parent’s house. If you have, you’re lucky. No one goes in there. 

“I’ve never seen your room!”

“Oh… yeah… no, you can’t go in there. It’s too messy.”

“No, it’s okay! I just really want to see it!”

“No, really. We don’t let people see it.”

@Jenn.

The room is immaculate compared to the closet, though.

ANYWAY. Jennifer and I really haven’t decorated or changed anything in that room since we moved there in 1998. No matter how many times we clean out that room, I can’t get rid of my dolphin stuff.

I love dolphins. 

Love is a gross understatement.

Dolphins are everything to me. Even though they’re like the one animal I can’t draw.

I have ceramic dolphins, glass dolphins, dolphin pillows, postcards with photographs of dolphins, a dolphin wind chime, a dolphin-shaped lamp, dolphin books, and way too many other dolphin things to keep track of.

I don’t know what drew me to them, but I always wanted to be a dolphin trainer at Sea World. It was my dream job.

Well, that, and to be a Supreme Court Justice. 

Say what you will about Sea World, but the fact that we could drive down to San Antonio during my youth and my parents could buy me a cardboard tray full of long, thin fish and I could throw them in the air and watch a dolphin catch them was the COOLEST thing about being a kid. Oh my gosh. I have such an excited feeling welling up in my stomach right now as I write this. That was such a good time in my life. DANG. Nostalgia.

Anyway, I’ve really digressed here. Wearing the wetsuit made me feel like I had somehow attained this status of Sea World Dolphin Trainer/Expert and I was really excited. I didn’t want to take it off. Plus, I don’t know if you’ve ever worn a wetsuit, but they’re SUPER flattering (not) so why would I want to take it off?!

I look like I know what I'm doing, yeah?

In other words, diving is great. More to come.

Interjection!!!

You know what’s cool? Duolingo. I’m brushing up on my Spanish and I’m also teaching myself Gaelic. You know. For if I ever live in Ireland and want to talk to some of the kids who have to learn Gaelic in school while the rest of the country doesn’t speak it. Practical? Absolutely not.

morning moon.

So one thing that’s been happening a lot lately is people are just giving us free meat.

And if you know me, you know that excites me more than it would probably anyone else you know.

Think of Joey from Friends in that Thanksgiving episode when Monica lets Rachel make the desert so she makes that trifle but accidentally puts a layer of “beef, sautéed with peas and onions” …

Ross: Tastes like feet!

Joey: I like it!

Ross: Are ya kidding?

Joey: What’s not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSFgDZJVYbo 

Last Sunday, a group of men in our village had a big community party that we were invited to. There was lots of local food (taro, fish, rice, …spaghetti……….), but then, at the end of the table, there were just these two coolers. What could be in them, I wondered. 

One was literally full of hot dogs. The other one was just meat. I don’t know what kind. But it was amazing. I could not stop laughing. Just picture two regular-sized coolers just packed with meat and try not to laugh about it. Because I bet you can’t.

But it’s okay, because I took a picture for you.

there's really not a lot to be said.

THEN that same day, after we finished yoga in Maap, I ran into one of my students and his dad offered us food from their barbecue. Can’t say no, it’s rude.

AND THEN this past Friday, we went to this bar (1 of 3 on the island) and this dude just came up behind me and lowered a skewer of meat in front of my face. I didn’t really question it because people aren’t sketchy here. So yeah, that happened. It was super good. I don’t know what was on it but it was amazing.

sarah + me + sticks + bbq

Here’s a quote from The Office to preface something that happened at school this week:

Jim: Several times a day, Michael says words that are way beyond my vocabulary.

Michael: I know where this is goin’.

Jim: Do ya?

Michael: No.

Jim: Okay. Remember “Spider Face?”

Michael: No.

Jim: Okay, because the quote was, “cut off your nose to spider face.”

Michael: Spite her … okay.

Jim: Yeah.

So here are the pictures that go with that. Long story short, we were doing a cleaning day at school and a couple of sophomore girls found a bunch of these spiders in the chapel so they were moving them out and I asked them to put one on my face. 

at first I was hesitant...

but then we decided to collab for a mixtape, so it's cool.

The real highlight of my school week, though, was when one of the freshman girls brought in a bunch of fried fish and boiled yam and shared it for lunch. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - I love spending time with these kids outside of the classroom. They’re full of so much light and they’re amazing to be around. I sat with a few girls and they told me some funny stories about their families and village life and we just had a great time. This is what I’ll miss most, I think.

freshman feast.

One last thing. I’m super upset that I wasn’t home to participate in one of the Women’s Marches that took place all over the country (and all over the world), but I am so proud of those who did. I loved seeing so many pictures and videos of men and women and boys and girls standing together, uniting for a purpose that benefits us all and makes us all better and stronger. Activism is something I want to really be a part of. It hurt a lot to not be a part of this, but I know more is coming. I feel empowered and inspired to do really big things. And I know I can do really big things because I have so many people right next to me who are always lifting me up and pushing me higher. So thanks, everyone, for making me who I am. I’ll leave you with this, my new personal mantra: I am no better and no worse than anyone else.

fire guy.

Last week, a few hours after I shared my last post, something horrible happened.

So horrible that, had it not been stopped, I wouldn’t have been able to show my face around school - or even in Yap - ever again. 

Because I would’ve been known as the girl who burned down YCHS. 

That’s right. I started a fire on campus. Like, a real one. With big flames and everything. It was insane.

Was I making a cheesy pita, you may be asking? No. I was heating up some chicken in the toaster oven - totally innocent, right? - and some stupid oil rolled dangerously off the skin and puddled up on the tray at the bottom. 

I heard some sizzling so I turned to look and there was smoke coming out of the oven door. Instead of turning off the toaster oven, I opened the door. Which turned out to be a horrible move because I let in a whole bunch of oxygen. So the whole thing kind of just burst into flame. 

Small flames, at first. Then everyone else in the staff room kind of slowly realized there was a fire. And then all of a sudden the flames were just huge. OBVIOUSLY I didn’t know what to do, but thank goodness for Mike because he put it out. 

Grease fires, man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwHZNu9hgMY

Everyone started singing “Madeleine started the fire” and it was actually really hilarious. But only because I didn’t destroy my school (that is made almost entirely out of wood and would’ve burned so quickly).

In my Micronesian History class, there’s not enough textbook material to fill an entire school year, so we do world geography with each unit as well. With this unit, we are studying the Middle East and Northern Africa, which has been so great. I have so loved teaching my students about the cultures and current events in this area. We have studied so many things - from the modernization of the UAE to the technological advances in Israel to the war in Syria. It has been so eye-opening (both for them and for me) to learn more about these things.

But, of course, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to teach (for a whole day) about Lebanon. I made meat pies (because kibbeh was wishful thinking) and hummus and brought in music and showed videos and taught the whole class how to dabke. 

It really made me want some awaymet - it was just after the epiphany, after all.

Teaching Micronesian teenagers how to dabke was no easy task, let me tell you. Part of it may have been because I was so excited and didn’t slow down the steps enough for them to really pick them up, but I think I really just kind of expected them to get it immediately and then we’d have a line going strong in a matter of seconds. But that was not the case. 

I had “Habibi” blaring through our open windows as we all held hands and trailed around the veranda. Obviously it wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t terrible either. If we had like ten more minutes, I think I could’ve had them on a pro-level. 

it's funny because no one knows what they're doing.

no one is on the same beat.

stomping way louder than necessary.

"Miss Ackels, can we dance every day?!"

So. 

Remember at the beginning of last semester when I was like “I’m the assistant volleyball coach!” and everyone was like “hahahahahahahaha” ???

Well, I have a sports update.

I am -

get ready for this -

no, seriously, get ready - 

the HEAD and ONLY coach for BOTH MEN AND WOMEN’S VARSITY basketball.

Two teams.

One dream.

One semi-inexperienced but definitely knowledgable enough coach.

Go ahead, laugh it up. It’s kind of funny.

We announced it last week at a morning assembly and since then a bunch of students have shared their skepticisms. 

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Did you ever even play basketball?”

“Wait, you’re coaching the men’s team??! Uhhhh…..”

“How do you get on JV?”

I am so pumped to share stories about this extracurricular with y’all. I’m sure it is going to be so entertaining.

Is anyone else thinking of Kicking and Screaming right now? I am soooOoOOo Will Ferrell, waiting on my Mike Ditka to come help me coach while I slowly lose my mind. “You want me to share my feelings of inadequacy with Mike Ditka?”

Oh, GUYS.

Have you seen Moana? If you haven’t, GO SEE IT NOW.

I just watched it a couple of days ago and oh my gosh I cried so much.

So. Much.

Those new Disney movies are really getting to me, y’all. I cried in the first, like, ten seconds of Zootopia and I remember Jeff just looked at me like, “what the heck…” but THAT MOVIE IS SO INSPIRING AND EMOTIONAL AND IT MAKES YOU REALIZE THAT EVERY PERSON HAS GOOD INSIDE OF THEM AND DIVERSITY IS BEAUTIFUL AND INCREDIBLE AND THE WORLD IS GOOD EVEN WHEN IT’S TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, back to Moana. 

I am confident I would have cried regardless, but I think like 80% of the reason why I cried so much is because there was such positive and accurate representation of life in the Pacific Islands. I just really felt it, you know?

ya don't see that every day ... Fi chowing down on a turtle skull.

The movie tells the story of a fictional island’s people, mainly following the daughter of the chief who will one day become chief herself. It faced some criticisms, saying that the representations were offensive, but you really can’t do much of anything these days without offending someone. The movie didn’t claim to inherit a specific island’s culture, nor did it create a blanket stereotype of all Pacific islands. It claimed to portray a fictitious Polynesian-esque island (The Polynesian region of islands being separate from the Micronesian region of islands, for those who don’t know the geography over here), and I think it did so beautifully.

If you want my opinion (which I’m sure you don’t), the music is eh, mostly. There are like two brilliant songs and the others are so mediocre. But that’s not the point - the point is the story and the portrayal. If you want like a little baby taste of what life is like here, watch that movie (or at least the first half (or at least the song “Where You Are”)).

—> low quality, but worth it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf24h3DyYPk

If you watch, know this: The flora and fauna are the same, the ocean is the same, the food and the baskets are the same. The crazy old lady in the village is the same. THE COCONUTS ARE THE SAME. There is similar art and dance and storytelling. 

another day, another nuunuw.

Oh! The Island of the Sleeping Lady, a legend on which most of the plot of the movie is based, is a real legend of a real island — Kosrae — which is one of the four states of the FSM. So that’s pretty neat.

Anyway, yeah. You should see Moana. It’s pretty zesty.

I just need to rant for a minute about how much I love Yap. While I was home, everyone asked how I’m liking it here, and my response was always the same:

“I like it now. It was rough at first, but I really do love it.”

How true that is. I really do love it. 

Last night, I was walking home and the stars took my breath away again. It’s crazy how that happens time after time after time. It doesn’t get old. The night sky is so unbelievable here. But so is the sky at all hours of non-rainy days. I’ll have to start taking pictures of the sunrises from my house. They’re beautiful. And you’ve seen some photos of the sunsets. Insane.

in love with the moon.

But aside from the way the sun beams through big green leaves and the way the moon lights up the whole island at night, just being here is something to be in love with. I wish it hadn’t taken me so long to realize that, but I’m glad I know it now.

I love riding my bike around the lagoon. I love being close to the water. I love eating local food and talking to local people. I love hearing kids play basketball on the court outside my window. I love being followed by packs of dogs when I walk home. I love taking off my shoes before I go inside. I love teaching students who teach me so much about their culture and their lives. I love being a part of an educational mission much bigger than just this one year I’m giving. I love drinking coconuts. I love this place. I love the way it is a part of me.

It makes me sad to think about moving forward, but I must be prudent. I am present here, but I also need to think about what’s next. Being home gave me a good opportunity to really discuss options with family, friends, and strangers. These people helped me realize my ambitions and my potential. Before, I was too afraid to take future considerations seriously. It was so overwhelming that I just shut down. But now, I’m excited. I’m pursuing graduate school opportunities as well as job opportunities, and what do you know, I’m even considering teaching middle school. Oh how the turn tables…

Wish me luck as I continue this second semester at YCHS and spend about half of my week as “Miss” and the other half as “Coach”. And wish me luck further as I sift through the options I have for next year. Cross your fingers that I get admitted to grad school because it’d be DOPE to be a MASTER of something, you know?

back to the future.

As I’m sure most of you know, I went home to Dallas for Christmas. I spent just over a week doing some of the things I missed most: wearing sweaters, eating goat cheese, doing karaoke with my cousins, going to movies, and drinking shiners with the best. It was time well spent and well worth the absurd travel journey, and I am back in Yap for another semester of school.

Traveling was hilarious. On my flight out of Yap to Guam, there was turbulence and I woke up to people legitimately screaming - I can only assume turbulence (or flying) was unfamiliar to a few people on the plane. It was pretty funny. By the time I got home, I was beyond delirious, but certainly coherent enough to enjoy surprising my family and friends. 

Heading back to Yap, my flights were all delayed (after we boarded, because of “maintenance”) for so long that the delay time ate up all of my layover time and more, requiring the airline to have to hold two planes for me. There are only two flights into Yap each week, and I kept thinking, “What kinds of things can I do when I inevitably get stuck in Guam for a few extra days?” but there was no need - they knew I was coming and delayed the flights further.

It feels so good to be back on Yap. It feels like I never left. Everything is familiar (obviously) and I’m picking back up right where I left off. 

We returned to school yesterday. I spent the first five minutes of all of my classes just beaming at my students and saying things like, “I missed you guys so much!” while wearing one of the biggest smiles of my life. I love my job.

After school, I took three of our neighbors on a hike up to the radio tower. They took pictures on my phone the whole time and I had over 200 photos added to my camera roll. Here are a few stand-outs:

Life is good here. Still raining. What else is new. In the coming months, I am getting scuba dive certified, so I’ll keep you all posted on that. I’m. So. Psyched.

I hope all of you had joyous and blessed Christmas celebrations and are looking forward to the new year. I’m finding, particularly on social media, that it’s a popular belief to absolutely despise the entirety of 2016 and everyone is just over the moon excited that such a hellish year is over. But personally, I have a problem with that. So here’s a baby rant: Just because it is January doesn’t mean all of the problems of the previous year will disappear. We still have to work toward positive change - in our government, with our environment, with the way we treat people, with everything that was sooooo horrible about last year. But personally, last year was easily one of the best years of my life. The first half of my year was full of exploring faith, embracing friendships, building relationships, traveling to new places, graduating from college, and so many other positive experiences. The second half included ceramics classes, endless dabkes, Coldplay in NYC, and a little anxiety as I prepared to ship off for the other side of the world, but was followed up by five trying yet worthwhile months in Yap with her stunning sunsets and starry skies. I moved to a new place, started a new job, made new friends, got new hair. A lot of good has happened. And sure, a lot of bad has happened, but if we only focus on the bad, then what’s the point of all of this? “If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward?” - Creed Bratton, The Office

new country #1: Nicaragua feat. new skill: surfing.

award-winning roommates/professional models.

graduating under the avenue of oaks at spring hill college.

new state #1: Wisconsin.

new state #2: Utah.

new state #3: New York.

new country #2: Federated States of Micronesia.

in may I went halvsies, december went wholesies.

Anyquwahhyyz (Nacho Libre voice), I’m totally down for hoping that better things will come in 2017. But I don’t think complaining about last year or pretending like it didn’t happen or being glad it’s over will do anything. I hope each of you takes the time to improve your lives and the lives of others in some way this year. This month, even. And every month thereafter. Small things are the most important things. Wave to everyone you pass. Smile at people. Hold doors. Having a kind personality makes others want to be kind too. So just do it. I dare you.