guam for easter.

tryna be cute on the edge of guam.

One day in early March, Nick, Abby, and myself were sitting in the faculty room at school. Instead of using our off period to make lesson plans or grade papers, we talked randomly and excitedly about the potential of going to Guam for our Easter break. After looking up “Things to do in Guam” and talking for about fifteen minutes, it was decided. We chanted, "GUAM FOR EASTER, GUAM FOR EASTER" the rest of the day and then went to the United office after school the next day to buy tickets.

And just because it’s topical, I’ll mention the fact that United has a monopoly on this island and it’s the only airline you can fly to come or go. Also, Guam is the only place they fly to from here. So. Thanks, United.

The weeks leading up to our trip flew by and before we knew it we were boarding our flight at 1:55 on Wednesday morning. Once we arrived, we slept for a few hours and then started our first of four days. We all had a list of “must do” things for our time in Guam. Mine was short: goat cheese and hiking.

two lover's point.

Day 1: Remembering What Life is Like on the Outside

The first thing we did when we woke up was go to Chili’s. Partially because we wanted to go to a familiar restaurant and eat good (or mediocre?) food, but partially because it’s the new golf course. To our disappointment, they had neither awesome blossoms nor baby back ribs (hmmmm? hmmmmmmmmm?) on the menu.

"I almost had awesome blossom coming out of my nose!"

Next we went to K-Mart, which was like a total mecca. Capitalism at it’s finest! My first purchase was a pint of Half Baked because ice cream is the best invention of all time and since they didn’t have Blue Bell, I went for the next best thing. 

Later we drove up to Two Lover’s Point, a big cliff where, as legend has it, a Spanish ruler’s daughter and a local man from Guam (Chamorro) jumped to their deaths with their hair tied together as a response to their forbidden love. Which is so extra. But if things like this aren’t still happening today, I say romance is dead.

this gopro is really upping my photo cred.

We went to a public beach later in the afternoon, and much to our enjoyment, we quickly found out that nearly the whole coastline has PUBLIC BEACH ACCESS. It was incredible. 

shoreline is so foreign to us.

The beach situation on Guam is the polar opposite of that on Yap. We’re talking parallel universe. Guam offered cool water, sand instead of seaweed, fish everywhere, no crowds, and constant access. It was awesome. I could’ve lived on that beach for the rest of my life.

For dinner, we went to this local night market that takes place once a week. There were tons of vendors selling art and crafts and food and clothing. It was inundated with tourists (many tourists on Guam are from Japan and South Korea) but enjoyable all the same.

ready to check out a new culture.

There was even a local band playing music. They played “All My Loving” by the Beatles which is like, top five for sure.

After the market, we walked around Plaza de España while the sun set. There is a cathedral and a museum and a few historical monuments. 

structures called latte were used to hold up houses on guam long ago. 

Next, we went to Applebees for happy hour, which was (weirdly enough) on the list of things we absolutely needed to do while in Guam. It turned out to be awesome because they were having their first ever ladies night where women got half off the happy hour price so everything was literally a dollar and it was amazing. But I will say, I loathe the phrase “ladies night”. Talk about woat.

To finish off the night, we went to see a movie. The only ones we had heard of were “Get Out” which we already saw (because there are no copyright laws in the FSM, heyoooo) and “Beauty and the Beast,” so we saw the latter.

I mean, it was okay, I guess. But also I slept through a lot of it. Only because I was SO COLD that I figured I’d rather be asleep than freezing. So I willed myself unconscious. 

Seriously. Coldest I’ve ever been. I told myself during that movie that I’d rather be on Yap during a power outage in the middle of the day than experience that misery again. And then the day we got back to Yap I got my wish and had to remind myself about how much worse the theater was. 

Evening came and morning followed: the first day.

plaza de ethpaña.

Day 2: Conquering Guam

crosses at the top of Mt. LamLam for Good Friday.

Thursday morning we went to the grocery store and I went NUTS. I bought goat cheese and cherry tomatoes and a cantaloupe and bell peppers. Truly an out of body experience. I love food. I love food. I love food.

That afternoon we hiked Mt. LamLam, which is technically the tallest mountain in the world, as measured from base to peak. The reason for this is because the very bottom of the mountain rests in the Marianas Trench, which is the deepest place on earth. As measured from sea level, LamLam summits at only 1,334 feet, but the whole thing is technically 37,820 feet.

peak of LamLam.

I took the following picture at the top and it really sums up the entire Guam experience for me. Hiking, bucket hats, showing my thighs, eating vegetables, and Easter. Good times.

who says you can't have it all?

Next, we went to Inarajan Pools on the southern coast. They're naturally occurring tide pools among lots of big rock formations. It was a pretty cool spot. Big fan.

nature's pretty neat.

beaut.

Later, I took a solo venture to Forever 21 to go shopping. I feel really shallow admitting this, but that was the first time I felt fully like myself in a really long time. And I kind of hate that. But it’s true. I love clothes, and I haven’t had the opportunity to expand my wardrobe in Yap. So I took advantage of it while I could and got some new threads. Floral dresses, of course. Sorry, Jenn.

For dinner, we went to a local diner called King’s, which was pretty good. Nothing like breakfast for dinner, who’s with me?

A day on Guam without K-Mart is quite literally a day wasted, so went to the store again after we ate. Nighttime K-Mart is like a hundred thousand times more crowded than daytime K-Mart. We quickly made a mental note to avoid after-hours shopping at all costs in the future. I wanted to try a local beer (appropriately and simply named “Guam”) before we left so I figured now was the time. 

I opted for the mango beer. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Fun, festive, fruity. But after one sip I knew immediately that I had made a poor choice. 0/10, do not recommend.

We asked around for nightlife recommendations and several people referred us to this place called Beach Bar. And if you had to guess what that place was like, you’d probably be right on the money. It’s a bar on the beach. 

Full of military men and the same tourists that flooded K-Mart a couple of hours prior, Beach Bar was a bit overwhelming. I don’t like bars much in the first place, except the piano kind. Or the karaoke kind. Or the kind where you can sit at a table and actually hear the people you’re speaking to. But there were these big, comfortable chairs by the water, so there I sat, watching drunks venture into the water until the Coast Guard came and talking to random people as they came and went, striking up lame conversations along the way until the night was over.

hike 1/3: completed.

Day 3: Tarzan Falls? More like *fart noise*.

On Friday, we followed some questionable online directions to a trail called Tarzan Falls. I’ll keep this story short because it was an absolute beating, but we couldn’t find the trailhead for hours. The directions were horrible and we asked a bunch of people for better directions but no one knew what we were talking about.

Meanwhile, we were driving through one of the nicest areas on the island - around lots of resorts and golf courses and such. It was very beautiful in the hilly center of Guam.

Eventually, we found the trail. At different times of year, the trail is filled knee-deep with water. I was hoping for that experience, but it’s dry season. Which was also nice, because it allowed us to see the amazing colors in the rock on the ground of the trail. Lots of oranges and blues and purples. I loved it.

the tease that was tarzan falls.

We followed the trail until it started branching off in a million directions. There were no signs and no markers, but there was a massive wind turbine near the trailhead (10 points for renewable energy). We figured it would be alright to try out a few different paths because we’d always be able to return to the wind turbine. 

We went down all of the paths and they all either went in a circle or quickly reached a dead end. 

No waterfalls. No sign of them at all.

So we bailed.

We spent some time that afternoon at the beach and then met up with Father Francis Hezel, SJ for dinner.

Fran Hezel is the author of the textbook I use in my Micronesian History class. He has lived in Micronesia for decades and was so interesting to talk to. He took us to a nice Japanese restaurant, which was a huge bonus. It was an informative and enjoyable evening.

We were wiped out from the long days so we spent the night in and woke up early the next morning to enjoy our last day in paradise.

Day 4: The Final Countdown

We started things early on Saturday, going back to K-Mart (y’all, seriously, it was the greatest place ever) one last time to pick up some things to bring back to Yap. 

Then I had the feast of all feasts. I had to eat all of the food I bought, which sounded like a great idea but turned out to be a wildly gluttonous endeavor. 

We ventured up north to Marbo cave and cliffs, which ended up being the highlight of the trip for me. 

hair's gettin' blonde.

The cliffs were absolutely breathtaking. Mountains behind us, ocean ahead of us, greenery all around. It was perfectly windy and the water was entirely cerulean. I’ve seen few things as beautiful.

black, black, green, and brown. brown, brown, brown, and blue. yellow, violets, red.

Near the shoreline, there was a small cave. Inside, there was cool, clear water. You could swim through the cave into the darkness and out the other side. It reminded me of Blue Creek, my favorite place in Belize. It was too cool.

inside the cave.

After, we went to the Guam Museum of History. The exhibit there had a lot of information and artifacts outlining the history of the native Chamorro people, from thousands of years ago until now. 

the resilience and pride of the native people is so admirable.

The history is fascinating. The Chamorro are resilient, fighting to maintain their culture despite countless bouts of colonization and exploitation. The art was beautiful, the displays informative, and the interior cold. I’m glad we went to the museum, it was a cool experience.

happy happy.

just really liked this piece.

I found this interesting because we don't allow our students to speak Yapese in school, either. Made me think about how that affects the deterioration of the culture while simultaneously offering the students a different future.

this painting (which I couldn't stop staring at) cost $4,500 and a woman asked me if I wanted to buy it. chacos must be a new sign of wealth.

We finished off the trip grabbing some pizza, turning in our rental car, and heading to the airport. We sat at the gate for a bit before our flight and met some new Mormon missionaries heading to Yap. Can’t seem to stay away from those guys.

Returning to Yap feels good. Guam offered a much needed change of pace and scenery, but I’m ready to finish off this school year strong. I realized on the flight home that now is crunch time. There are still things left that I want to do before I leave Yap, so I’m wasting no time knocking them off my list.

The following morning, we went to Easter Mass with the Outer Island community. It was my first time attending an OI Mass but it was so lovely. They have such beautiful voices, and although I couldn’t understand a single word that was spoken, it’s nice to know we were all on the same page anyway. #universal

After Mass, we had an Easter Egg Hunt for some of the kids in our village, thanks to my thoughtful mother. She sent candy, eggs, peeps, and toys for them and we had so much fun.

 

 

waiting for Jeff to make a joke about my outfit.

excuse my weirdo hair and my guam k-mart shirt.

Of course, I was sad to miss Easter festivities with my family. I got to see most of my cousins (and THE MULTITUDE OF NEW BABIES, WHAT) via facetime at Papa Joe’s 5th Annual Good Friday Crawfish Boil, For the Cure. Shout out to John Paul who chugged a beer and yelled, “CAN’T WAIT TO READ ABOUT THIS ON YOUR BLOG LATER,” because if he hadn’t said that, I certainly wouldn’t have thought to include this paragraph.

"oh my. OH MY."

Monday morning I was woken up at 5 am because my phone was ringing. 

It was Jeff.

Jeff: “Mads. Hey. I’m thirsty.”

*laughter*

me: “huh? what?”

Nick? or Thomas? or Sam?: “Jeff, you woke her up! What time is it there?”

aaaaand scene.

There’s always a black sheep in big families. Said sheep is typically the butt of all family jokes. 

In my extended family, I am the butt. Always the butt. Ask. Anyone.

At family parties, my kindness and generosity is usually abused by my brothers and cousins because they’ll ask me to get them drinks and I always do it. I know it’s my own fault. I just never thought it’d reach me all the way out here.

“I’m thirsty.”

The things Jeff will do for a good joke. I have to admit, he made me laugh.

Since I was up anyway, I hiked up to the radio tower to watch the sunrise from the spot where you can see the entire island.

worth sprinting uphill to make it in time to see this.

I got a little emotional up there. You know how I am. But I used to get up every single Monday for like two years to watch the sun come up. It was my favorite thing ever. I haven’t done it in so long, but it was nice to resurrect this old habit.

I will say, though, it made me miss a lot of people and a lot of things. Jacquelyn, I miss your Monday morning company. I miss making homemade biscuits for my roommates after the sunrise before leaving to teach. I miss my old Mondays. But this one turned out to be great, too.

road to the radio tower.

We had Monday off from school as well, so we spent the morning with Norman. Norman worked for several years at Xavier High School on Chuuk (another state in the FSM) but has since relocated to Yap. He’s a complete renaissance man. He knows everything about everything. He comes to school most days to hang out and help out and we always chat about sports and movies and history. He’s fantastic.

a man and his machete.

Norman showed us around his village. There are a lot of historical sites around him. He lives in Kanifay, a municipality in the south. He also took us to the wreckage site of a continental plane that went down several decades ago. There are many times where I’ve felt like this island resembled the one on Lost, but no time as strongly as this.

stone money bank in kanifay.

<interjection>

In case you don’t already know, Jeff locked himself in his room for the entirety of spring break 2011 and watched every single episode of Lost in the dark without emerging once.

</interjection>

we have to go back.

ughH as I’m writing this, it’s the hottest part of the afternoon and the power just went out and I’m sweating profusely. I know you all wanted/needed to know that. I don’t remember what it feels like to be subjected to a normal temperature.

I’m losing my train of thought as my brain boils in this heat, but we’re past due for an end to this post anyway. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I know it was long, but this was easily the most eventful six day stretch out of the entire *almost* nine months I’ve been here. 

Thanks again to everyone who continues to keep up with me as I finish this year. I have a loyal fanbase and I’m grateful for that steadfast support. I’m so lucky to have all of your love!

kanifay.

vertigo.

under the philippine sea.

Over the past couple of weeks, I haven’t taken many pictures. BUT, I did go diving yesterday and took about a million, so I just kind of scattered them throughout this post.

Before I explain the insanity that was diving, here’s an update on the past couple of weeks -

We’ve been spending all of our weekends in Maap lately. I’d just bring Harry Potter with me and read in the sun on the beach. It’s perfect, except so many people died in the last few books and I couldn’t stop crying.

reading in Maap.

Meanwhile, I finished the series. It’s funny - I saw all of the movies (except Half Blood Prince, I think) but I had legitimately no memory of anything that happened in those books past The Chamber of Secrets. So as I was reading, it was truly like I knew nothing, which was actually amazing. Such a pure experience. I can’t believe I waited until 23 to read those books. I feel like something is missing from my life now that it’s all over.

But it’s okay because now I’m watching the movies (which are SO not as good). I will say, though, that first year Hermione Granger is everything I aspire to be. She has so many good lines. 

@Jeff, Thomas “Not me, not Hermione, YOU.”

Last Friday, we had the day off from school so we went to Maap with Laurel and met up with Sana and did a hike to this land bridge. Mainland Yap is actually four islands, three of them connected by bridges. So it was cool to sit and have a picnic over the water. Cool cool beans beans, cool beans.

bridge picnic.

picnic views.

WEIRDEST thing happened last week. Three days in a row, I encountered dead animals. 

On Monday, as I was leaving my last period class with the seniors, one of the boys caught my attention and said, “Ms. do you want to eat this with us?” So I turned around and saw THIS:

rip, bird.

Straight up, they shot a bird out of a tree next to the classroom with a slingshot and then went home after school and cooked it. It was impressive but also what.

Tuesday, during study hall at the end of the day with the juniors, I was walking on the veranda outside of the classroom and I looked in the window and one of the students had a question, so I went over to talk to her and I saw THIS:

I mean...no.

Thinking it was absolutely fake and totally plastic, I reached out to touch it and she THREW IT AT ME.

It was a centipede, which are poisonous, but it’s head had been cut off. The head was removed 8 hours prior, but the body/legs were STILL MOVING. So I started screaming because it was ON ME and everyone in the class was laughing so hard. It was so gross. But, yeah, okay it was also really funny.

Then, on Wednesday, I got home from school and saw THIS:

rip, chick.

Like, okay. Baby chicks die around here all the time because there are four million of them and there are a lot of dogs that try to eat them. But coming home to see some kids in my village swinging one around by it’s foot was pretty gnarly.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a joint practice with my two basketball teams. They wanted to scrimmage each other but I knew that the boys would slaughter the girls so instead, I combined the teams. I took my twenty players and put five girls and five boys on each team. I ended up not coaching, but reffing, so the captains coached their team. It was super successful and everyone had a great time.

two teams, one dream.

This was one of those times where I kind of felt like I stepped out of my body for a moment and got to just enjoy. It was fun to watch all of these kids play with and against each other, knowing that their skills had been ~somewhat~ strengthened this year under my coaching. It was a fun afternoon.

I woke up the other day with a huge roach just crawling all over me. So, there’s that.

Oh, and I have now suffered and survived THREE termite outbreaks. I’m thriving, clearly. If I ever have to hear that horrible noise again I might not make it out alive. It’s just so unbelievably unsettling.

@sprill Alumni Weekend looked super fun. Shout out to all of you who saw my dad. I heard Catalina was a good time. I’ll be there next year, I miss that hill.

SO WEIRD that today is the final round of The Masters. Even weirder that I’m not there for the first time in a few years. I miss the craziness and excitement of Augusta. And I miss walking the course with you, Mrs. Spieth! Who, by the way, deserves a special shout out for being EASILY my most dedicated fan this year. Thanks for always reading my posts to Ellie!

March Madness was hilarious this year. I got DEAD LAST in the family pool, yet still somehow hold the all-time record for least amount of losses in one bracket. I’ll take it.

Since we’re on sports, I can’t believe baseball season has started. I can’t wait to get home and get to the BALLPARK IN ARLINGTON (because I still refuse to call it globelife park what is that?) and eat those waffle fries with the brisket on top UGH first level food court is where it’s at. 

corals, pt. i.

School has been fun lately. We’re just about out of content in all of my classes, if not completely out of content, so we’re just doing cool stuff and I love it.

In history, we just finished African geography. When we talked about Eastern Africa, I taught the students about the Rwandan genocide, so of course I also taught them about Carl Wilkens and Imaculeé Ilibagiza. I was laughing to myself about how there was that huge box of copies of I’m Not Leaving at Camplus before we went on the Poland trip and no one was reading it and then now I’m like trying to get a copy of this book so my kids can read it and I don’t even have mine anymore.

In literature, we just finished A Separate Peace and we’re about to start Night, so that’ll be good. I’m so looking forward to that one.

In scripture, we finished the textbook a little while ago. I’ve decided to be realistic and accept the fact that I’m teaching second semester seniors in their last period of the day so we haven’t done anything too *strenuous*. On April 21st, the seniors will lead a Day of Retreat for the rest of the school, so we’ve just been using class time to prepare for that and do a few little things here and there. It’s been fun to just kind of sit back and watch them work with each other. I’ll miss this crew.

corals, pt. ii.

Last night, we went to dinner to celebrate Caroline, Laurel, and Nick's April birthdays. It's been great to find a good community of friends here on Yap and to truly enjoy the people I get to spend my time with.

at Oceania - the best restaurant on Yap.

Before I get to diving, I have an important announcement about an employment opportunity:

I need someone go to record store day and pick up like 81 specific things for me. Serious applicants, only.

Okay, so, the main event!

Yesterday, Sana, Laurel, & Caroline (Peace Corps) + Tara (Catholic Relief Services) + Nick & I went diving. 

from left to right: caroline, sans, laurel, nick, me, tara.

When you dive, you usually go to two locations and dive at each site for an hour. Initially, we were supposed to go to Yap Caverns in the South and then Vertigo way up North. Vertigo is the one I most wanted to go to out of all the sites on the reef because it’s just a billion sharks. When did I become such a thrill seeker?

So we got to the dive shop in the morning and they told us the conditions weren’t good enough up north for us to do Vertigo, but they’d take us to another place in the south instead. 

Which turned out to be a hashtag bLeSsInG. Because even though we didn't go to Vertigo, I still felt like I had Vertigo. I’ll get there in a minute.

corals, pt. iii.

I was a little nervous, remembering that I got nauseous on the boat last time we went beyond the reef, but I just played it cool. Because I’m really good at that (yikes).

We crossed the reef after ten minutes on the boat but it took about an hour and a half to get to the site. I just tried to focus on other things - you know, anything besides the fact that the boat was rocking all over the place. But what things are there, really, to look at besides the giant waves that are crashing around you?

DOLPHINS.

Y’ALL. DOLPHINS. SO MANY DOLPHINS. 

"dolphins. dolphins are good."

There was this pod that followed us for several minutes and there were so many of them and they were jumping and swimming and AHHHH I was on the verge of tears but I didn’t actually cry because I was so overwhelmed. I couldn’t stop screaming it was just so wonderful!

If you remember, a few posts back I described, in detail, my obsession with dolphins. And here we are.

Easily one of the top five best things I ever saw/did in Yap. It was so perfect.

But then, the dolphins left, the waves got rougher, and I got sick. 

That’s right, peeps, I threw up twice on the way to our dive site. gggroOOoOooOss.

So we got to the first site, Magic Kingdom, and it was AWESOME. I took lots of pictures on a gopro my friend sent me (thanks, Whittaker! I’m definitely putting it to good use) but even with something as high-quality as a gopro, the pictures still don’t do it anywhere near justice. 

corals, pt. iv.

The colors of the corals were unbelievable. Every shade of pink, purple, red, and orange. I loved it. 

On this first dive, we saw several barracuda and a stingray. And of course lots and lots of fish and sponges and corals.

rip, steve irwin.

The barracuda were sick. You know in the beginning of Finding Nemo right before the barracuda eats the mom and all of those fish eggs except Nemo? And the barracuda is just kind of like hovering in the space at the beginning of the drop off? This was the exact same. We were at a drop off at the edge of the reef and there were four or five barracuda just kind of hovering there. It was insane.

if you *really* squint, you can see a barracuda.

After the dive, we surfaced and swam back to the boat, but the water was so rough so I got sick. Again. And again. 

Then we headed to the next site, Yap Caverns, which is like an underwater channel of rock formations and you swim up and down through these tiny cracks in the corals. It was too cool.

caverns.

There, I sustained many injuries, including a sting from a sea urchin (stepped on me?) and cuts from being super uncoordinated and hitting some of the rocks. I came out bloodied and bruised but better for knowing I had completed my first advanced dive.

"you sneaky mom."

Before we left that morning, our instructor was talking to Nick and me and asked how experienced we were because the caverns were advanced.

Instructor: “Do you guys have good experience maintaining buoyancy? You’ll have to change the air in your BCD frequently to stay buoyant and avoid hitting the corals or hitting your head in the caverns.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, we’re good at all the buoyancy stuff.”

Noooooope. That’s easily the thing I’m worst at. 

In the caverns, we also saw a lot of new types of coral and anemones. It’s cool to just swim over these reefs and see how many different types of life there are. And everything is so small and so intricate. It’s truly amazing how all of these things coexist.

Here's a video of some of the anemones. I think the quality worsened when I uploaded it, but whatever. Still worth checking out, I think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfb3Iq2J3-Q&feature=youtu.be 

corals, pt. v.

We also saw a lion fish which made me miss Belize because we ate SO much lion fish there because they’re a threat to the ecosystem. Here, they’re not a problem. But they’re super beautiful.

The boat ride back to shore was straight up miserable. Probably the worst I’ve felt, ever. I got sick so many times and I thought I was never going to make it off the boat. 

nick and me, livin' large.

Reaching steady, unmoving, dry land elicited the best feeling. If we had gone to the site up north we would've been on the boat for several more hours - so I'm super glad that didn't work out. I went straight to bed (at 4:30 PM) and am still trying to recover.

I kept saying, “never again,” but Nick, Laurel, and I are supposed to go to Vertigo in May now. I also really want to go to the Manta site, because Yap is famous for her HUGE Manta Rays. I feel like I can’t leave here without letting them swim over my head. But the thought of going beyond the reef on a boat again is so unbearable. The instructors told me that yesterday’s conditions were the roughest they’ve seen here in a while. So I suppose as long as it’s not like that again, I might be able to manage. 

we love the open oasch.

Before I finish for today, there’s something weighing on me that I want to share.

I was talking to my friend Abby the other day. She’s been living and teaching in Haiti for as long as I’ve been in Yap, but she's heading home in a day or two. In many ways, though we are in very different places, our experiences have been similar. Not just the things we’ve encountered in our respective experiences, but also in the way people react or respond to what we’ve been up to.

Sometimes people see this work as glamorous. Or sometimes they say things like, “you’re doing so much good, even if you can’t see it!” And of course there are those who say, “good for you!” and “you’re so cool!” and the like. 

It’s wonderful to have such support from family, friends, and even strangers. For others to think that the direction you’ve taken with your life is something to be admired is a really special feeling. In many ways, it is reassuring. But in many ways, it puts so much pressure on the situation.

There have been days, weeks, months, where life here is nothing but difficult. It’s lonely. It’s slow-moving. It’s even boring at times. It’s monotonous. It’s simple. 

Don’t get me wrong - simple is good, simple is amazing. Simplistic lifestyle is something I really admire, something I strive for, something I will push for when I return to the states. Remembering what is important, focusing on what brings happiness, strengthening relationships, eating ice cream seven days a week, not being materialistic. These are all good things. Good lessons I’ve learned in my travels. 

But this simple life here has it’s share of challenges. Bugs, rodents, isolation, apathy, and a list of discomforts a mile long.

The thing is, in about seven weeks, I will leave Yap. I will leave the pressure to do good, the higher status I have reached the eyes of others, the discomfort, the loneliness, the inclination I feel inside of me to get out and go do something different, something new. Part of me is overjoyed about this, about moving forward, moving on. Doing something else. Not feeling like I have to impress people. Not feeling like I have to live up to an expectation that I’m “changing lives” or “doing something cool” or whatever.

But leaving Yap is going to be one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Being here has been hard, but leaving will be harder. My students are now starting to ask if I’m returning next year. Each time I say no, tears are shed. Often by more than just me.

“Why, Miss?”

Ahh…I don’t know! 

That’s a fair question, isn’t it?

Why, Miss, do you get to leave? Why would you want to leave? Don’t you like it here? Don’t you love us? Love your job? Love the beauty of the island?

Yes, I love all of these things, and so deeply that I can hardly find the right words to describe my feelings.

Abby and I talked about how important compassion is. How important it is to get to know the people you’re serving. Otherwise, it’s all just a waste. Truly, a waste. Without compassion, service is selfish. It makes you feel good, to go somewhere new, do a small project, see a new place, come home, talk about it, share your photographs. There’s nothing entirely wrong with that, but aren’t we trying to make the world better?

In every application I’ve ever filled out, every cover letter I’ve ever written, I talk about my views of compassion and understanding. I think these two things are all it takes to change the world. I really believe it’s that simple. I’ve spent this year trying to cultivate understanding, to know people, to teach them, to learn from them, to be with them, live with them, play with them, serve with them, laugh with them, struggle with them. It does the soul good to remember how to be human.

I’m rambling, as usual, but here’s my point:

It really bothers me when people go out of their way to tell me that they admire what I’ve done here this year, because I know so many people who are doing incredible work, unnoticed.

Yes, I’ve made a big deal about this year. Yes, I’ve been writing a blog to keep everyone up to date about exactly what I’m doing. Yes, I’ve made it impossible to ignore that I’ve moved far away and am doing something kind of radical. I get it. 

But I think there’s so much more to be said for the quiet ones. For Abby in Haiti, for Arianne in Thailand, for Jacquelyn in Sacramento, for Keelin in New Orleans, for Leah in Shreveport, for Laura in Dallas, for Emma in Philadelphia, for Emily in St. Louis, and for countless other people who are doing GOOD things, amazing things, in a variety of fields - my friends who are nurses, teachers, consultants, event planners, HR reps, engineers, and more. People who are serving others, volunteer or otherwise. Who are working to better their communities. To better themselves. To better others. To better the world. 

Thank you, all of you, for the recognition, the support, the love, the enthusiasm. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

I am, simply, a high school teacher. My life here has been nothing close to glamorous. Many days I wonder why I chose this, how I got here. I can think of so many people who would have been stronger here than I have been. Who would have served more gracefully, with less doubt, less uncertainty, less struggle. 

I wonder why I care so much what you all think of me and of this experience. I don’t know. But I just need everyone to understand that I don’t think this has been what you see it to be. It’s not something to be admired any more than what anyone else is doing. I’m putting my whole heart into a job and a community I love, just like many of you do every day. That’s it. We’re all doing cool things. We’re all heroes. We’re all making a difference. And the only reason I can do it is because I’m fortunate enough to have a thousand people out there who know me and love me and are doing the same thing, inspiring me every single day.