I want candy (canes).

rays of light coming through clouds of smoke while someone burns their trash in the village.

Mail is the most exciting thing ever. How is it that someone in one place can slap a zip code on an envelope and pay a few cents and then days (or weeks…or months……) later it shows up at the exact intended recipient’s address? That is AMAZING! The postal service is more impressive to me than modern medicine or professional athletes. And knowing that someone took the time to sit down and write you a letter or put a package together for you is just so overwhelming. 

So a few weeks ago, my mom sent me three packages. THREE! Oh, when they came in I was so excited. But I opened them up and guess what was inside? Candy canes. Just candy canes, and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (because I asked for a lot of things a few posts back and nobody took that list of requests seriously except good, old Shari). But this sweetest mother of mine mailed me enough candy canes for the whole student body of YCHS, and maybe even enough for the whole population of Yap. What a woman. 

the seniors asked if they could take a picture with their candy canes to send to my mother. anything to miss a little class time, right?

After distributing the candy canes and threatening students so they would remember to not leave their wrappers lying around campus, so many of the students asked me to wish my mom Merry Christmas and thank her for the sweet surprise. It just made me remember how much I love my mom. So here’s to you, mama, you’re the greatest lady I know and I love ya so much.

If you recall from the last post, I moved recently. In becoming a resident of this new house I also inherited a cat who kills mice and rats. Mostly I just consider her a bouncer who keeps rodents out.

So the other day I came home to school to find THIS:

Like, still confused about where the majority of the rat’s body went. All that was left was one leg and the tail. I couldn’t stop laughing. It was just so funny to me how unfazed I am by stuff like this now. 

CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE FOR A SECOND?!

Unfazed.

Once, when I was in eight grade, there was a school-wide spelling bee and I was selected as a participant. In the first round, I was given the word “phase”. I didn’t ask for a definition or a sentence or anything, so I just blurted out, “Phase. F-A-Z-E. Phase.” *buzzer noise* nope. I still remember the embarrassment I felt. 14 years old, can’t even spell phase correctly. But if “unphased” isn’t a word and “unfazed” is, then “faze” is definitely a word and there should’ve been some kind of exception for my misspelling. 

Moving on.

But wait, first another thing about Ming.

She like climbs all over the screen on my window and just meows all night and it really cracks me up. It’s not annoying or anything it’s just so funny. So here’s a video of that.

After finals ended, we had a little celebration dinner at the Jesuits’ house. Masco, one of the Jesuits, shared “local sashimi” with us, which was literally dead minnows. Like straight up, just dead minnows. OBVIOUSLY I tried one because I will literally eat anything these days (as if I didn’t before) and it was not good. It wasn’t gross, it tasted just like regular sashimi (which is dope) except it was weird when the eyes exploded in my mouth and also I did not appreciate the texture or idea of the bones. But overall I’d give it a solid 5/10.

local sashimi.

Now that we’re out of school for Christmas break and Sarah and Abby are out of town, we have to get creative with ways to fill our time.

Nick and I literally just drove around the island the other day. We stopped at a store where one of our students works on the weekend and I got an ice cream cone and she hooked me UP and gave me a whole bunch of scoops because I’m the coolest teacher in town. That’s probably not why but whatever. It was really good ice cream and it was a dollar, which beats buying it by the gallon.

fat staaaaaacks, Mr. White.

As we drove around the island, I found myself saying, "I can't believe we live here." Sometimes I really do forget that I live on Yap right now. It's strange. I know I'm far away and the island feels small, but I forget that Yap is still that tiny speck on the map that you have to zoom in a million times to see. It's the little fleck on the map that I pointed to repeatedly for six months when people would ask where I was moving, where I'd be living. I'm here, I've been here for a while now, but sometimes I forget. Sometimes I look at the ocean and I think "oh, that's the Pacific Ocean." It's weird! To actually be living here.

I cried the whole second half of the day on the last day of exams because I just realized how much I'm going to miss my students over the break. I'm here, now. I'm really here. I'm really present. I'm really part of this. And I really love it.

And then after I cried and everyone made fun of me and my students were concerned I've seen like nine of them (at least) in the few days we've had off so far. So like, I'm fine.

Sunday we went back up to Maap for yoga with Sana. I hadn’t been in a few weeks because I was procrastinating with my school work and putting it off until Sunday afternoons which didn’t leave me free for yoga, but now I have literally nothing to do so no excuses. Yoga was so challenging and I’m so not good at it and Devi and I were just cracking each other up the whole time, but it was so much fun.

The following day, Nick, Devi, Mike and I went back to Maap for a beach day. Sana’s host mother cooked us dinner and it was so delicious. Grilled fish, taro, banana pancakes. So, so, so good. I love the local food but we hardly have the opportunity to eat it. 

spider the size of my hand, seen in Maap.

Nick and I ended up staying overnight at our friends Graham and Mercy’s house. They live on a little hill overlooking the beach and it was so wonderful. We wanted to get up early the next day to watch the sunrise, but it poured all morning. We got up anyway and went down to the beach until the wind nearly knocked me off of the coconut tree I was sitting on, so I just went back to bed for like three hours instead. Felt like an appropriate alternative.

view from the house. Maap is rad.

Yesterday we watched “Miracle.” Talk. About. Inspiring. Oh man there are so many good quotes but I can’t think of any. But don't tell me there's not a steady stream of tears coming down your face when Eruzione scores that goal in the third period to put USA up 4-3 over the Soviets. DANG. So patriotic. So important. So moving. 

So far the break has been good. Restful, entertaining, full of random activities and adventures. It doesn’t quite feel like Christmas is coming, but I’ll let you know if that changes in the next few days. 

I hope all of you and your families have a happy and blessed Christmas!

winter is coming.

Even though it sure doesn’t feel like it. It is strange to come to the realization that we are rounding the third lap of Advent and Christmas is nearly here. 

So yes, winter is coming.

And I’m not referring to a literal winter, because there is no variation in the temperature here. So of course by winter I mean “finals week”.

This week, the students will take their midterm exams. I’ve heard it called “hell week” and the exams are cumulative, which makes me the devil. What you never realize as a high school student is that as you review and study for six exams, your teacher is writing three cumulative exams and grading 30 tests and 40 papers just to finish getting your second quarter report card grade ready, before she then has to grade 60 (writing intensive) exams over the course of five days.

I’m not sure who has the more hellish experience, but this week will be followed by two full weeks off to recharge and just drink it all in. I’m so excited.

Last weekend, we had another clearing day at school, though it was only like 30% clearing back the jungle and pulling weeds, 30% decorating the campus for Christmas, and 40% me and Nick challenging each other to dance offs while we played Christmas pop hits and pretended not to notice while students filmed us.

the freshmen decided to do a little bit of "local decorating" on their classroom.

A few of the seniors and Devi and I put together the Christmas tree and they took control over ornament placement. It took far less time than the annual decorating of the Ackels family Christmas tree, where it’s always “who’s turn is it to put the star on top” and “the Cowboys ornaments have to be front and center” and “oh, I think you broke something” and “where are the icicles and the little stars” and “ugh Madeleine’s crying AGAIN” and “I didn’t do anything! (Jeff)”. But anyway, it really is lovely, walking into school each morning to see a well-lit, well-decorated Christmas tree immediately preceded by a nativity and surrounded by lights. I dig it.

Speaking of digging things. 

I got new digs.

Translation: I moved.

deuces, mcs apt 103.

This weekend, Sarah and I moved out of the apartment we had grown to love so much and into a house just down the road from the house that shelters the other 3/5 of our volunteer crew. We were sad to leave the neighbors that wished us well on our way to school each day and greeted us with big smiles and waves as we came home, but settling into our new place has been so exciting.

I was nervous that moving would be a pretty negative thing. I figured that it would just be another huge adjustment that I wasn’t ready for, but it has proven to be quite the opposite. I love this new place. Lots of things are different (for starters, we have a cat - Ming (not sure about the spelling)), but it’s all so great. 

I celebrated the move by eating a bag of peanut butter m&m’s that I bought in the Honolulu airport on my way out here, exactly 4 months ago. I threw them in the freezer the night we moved into the apartment and forgot about them until we moved out.

I spent all day Sunday arranging my room instead of grading essays about The Catcher in the Rye, and I must say it looks pretty damn good. I have only ever had my own room three times in my life: senior year of college, the apartment I just lived in, and the house I live in now. Each of these times, my room has been slightly different, but two major things remain the same: 1) a wall completely splattered with pictures of my favorite people and places and 2) a moss and amber candle from urban outfitters. IT’S THE BEST CANDLE SCENT THERE IS, I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. It smells like the way I used to feel when I would lay on my bed and read by light of the string of lights that framed my ceiling in 301 while some vinyl record played in the living room on the other side of my wall covered in maps of Ireland and posters of my favorite bands. Ugh. The coziest. When I’m feeling uncomfortable here, I just smell that candle and put myself right back on that bed in my first-ever room to myself.

weirdly obsessed with keeping my laptop on that shelf. I don't know. it just feels right.

Anyway, I’m loving this new house. In moving to a new spot, I was hopeful that we’d possibly escape the chronic ant problem that we faced at the apartment (though I was also secretly hoping not to lose the ants entirely, because dead ants have been the subject of a weirdly large portion of my tweets since arriving on Yap and I think it’s really boosting my street cred). 

So, bittersweet news:

The ants are very much present up here. So far, I have seen far less ants than I was used to seeing in one day, but the ants here are a whole new breed. They’re bigger, faster, and stronger, too (“he’s the first member of the DK crew, HUH!”). They move at unfathomable speeds but they stay in their space. I’m thinking they probably won’t try to eat my clothes like the others did. Cross your fingers.

Last week there was a power outage. It was scheduled, only to last a couple of hours. Well. It lasted for over 8 hours. That’s right. EIGHT. And I had to grade 20 rough drafts of an essay all in one night (because I’m SO NICE). When the sun went down and the candles weren’t cutting it, I remembered I had something worth more than gold hiding in my closet. 

A headlamp. 

ptl for headlamps + generous strangers.

Prettyyyyyy sure this headlamp was lent to me by a stranger in Utah. And then I accidentally put it in my purse and it ended up in Yap. I’m also pretty sure she told me it cost one dollar. So I didn’t expect it to work.

But boy, did it work.

I graded the essays by light of a weak, cheap headlamp. Just like the pioneers used to do.

Last Friday, we had a Lessons and Carols program at school and it was AMAZING.

It was held outside, under the giant tree in the center of campus. There was a great turnout - lots of parents and families, but also lots of people from the community. It was so nice to see people come together to listen to our students sing songs that remind us all of the importance of preparing ourselves and our hearts for the coming of our Savior. It was a zesty evening.

lessons and carols.

But before the night got started, we spent a few hours after school on campus just hanging out with some of the students.

One of the freshmen girls brought a bunch of leaves and flowers to make nuunuws. Another student gave me a quick tutorial and taught me how to properly weave the flowers into the leaves and make the floral headpiece I have quickly come to obsess over. 

Y’all. I freaking love nuunuws. They’re my favorite. I wish I could make one for all of you but they’d just die in the mail + I’m pretty sure you can’t mail plants and stuff out of the country.

meet Agnes, local beast and professional nuunuw maker. this is definitely my favorite nuunuw so far.

We ran out of leaves quickly, so I couldn’t make mine long enough. So the first (and only) nuunuw I made was actually just a bracelet, but it’s still pretty sweet.

check out the bracelet!

Fast forward to Lessons and Carols. 

Obviously I cried, because these kids have some serious pipes (“oh my gosh, nice pipes Tomika”). As I sat and listened, I couldn’t help but think about how much I love being here.

Over the past 4 months, I have been pretty unsatisfied with my decision to come here. I felt confused and unsure and uncomfortable and lonely and so many other things I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t know how to overcome any of that. But sometimes you just wake up with a new attitude and things just start to get better.

I realized just this weekend how much I love Yap - her people, her opportunities, her natural beauty. I love being a part of this island. I love knowing this place. I love my job and my room and all of the exposure I’ve had to new people and ways of thinking and FOOD. 

I turned around to look at the sun setting behind me just after I started weeping over my students’ voices. It made me feel so secure in my decision to come here, to remain here, to push myself to be present here. It’s all still a work in progress (and it will be until the very last hour), but I’m so confident in this now.

that. sky.

Funny how the sky can make you feel such strong things.

Well, peeps. Two more weeks until Christmas. I can’t believe it. I hope you’re staying bundled and you’re thinking of me every time you wear a sweater because man, I love sweaters more than I love Coldplay.

That’s absolutely not true. But I was thinking this week that if people don’t like Coldplay it’s because they’ve never listened to “Swallowed in the Sea”. So if you haven’t heard it, go change your life and get back to me. 

happy gaudete sunday, friends!

happy thanksgiving, back.

You’ve Got Mail is one of my all-time favorite movies. Not just because I’m obsessed with e-mail (it’s my favorite method of communication) or because the Hanks/Ryan combo sets my soul ablaze. No, no. It’s a great movie because it’s funny and real and an all-around solid holiday flick. And suuuuuper quotable. 

Every Thanksgiving, I think about one particular scene in this movie. It’s so beyond obscure, but I’m an Ackels. Dad and I quote this one all the time.

Kathleen Kelly (head shake) is at the register in a cash-only line at the grocery store, but she only has a credit card. She’s holding up the line, and who comes to the rescue? None other than her nemesis, Joe “Just-Call-Me-Joe” Fox. 

He asks the cashier, Rose (“ah, that is a great name”) to just “zip, zip” Meg Ryan’s credit card through the machine. And due to that undeniable charm that only Tom Hanks has, she gives in. He wishes her a Happy Thanksgiving, and when Rose doesn’t respond, he tells her to say Happy Thanksgiving back. She replies,

“Happy Thanksgiving .. back.”

Aaaaaaaand, scene. 

This year, I kept forgetting about Thanksgiving. Probably because my life has been moving a hundred miles per hour and it doesn’t make sense that Thanksgiving has come and gone because the weather is the same yesterday, today, and forever. But regardless of the fact that it’s an American holiday, my Thanksgiving celebration in Yap was full of food and laughter and conversation and, of course, gratitude.

We got to celebrate Thanksgiving more than once. On Thursday evening, we went to the Jesuit’s house and had dinner with them and some people from the community. It was so lovely. At school, a few of our students’ mothers and aunts came to drop off several baskets of fruit and other food for us. Getting fruit baskets are the best for several reasons. 1) fruit is #1, 2) the baskets themselves are hand-woven with local leaves and they’re so cool, and 3) it’s just a really thoughtful and generous gift. So that’s always fun. We also got SEVEN more baskets of food from the parish/school community of the Catholic elementary school down the road from our house. We had like nine million bananas so I made several loaves of chocolate chip banana bread over the weekend. It’s quickly becoming my new specialty.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, our friend Tim Bigelow (mentioned a few posts back) and his wife Lucy hosted another Thanksgiving celebration. It was so wonderful! We met new people and ate great food and got to see Tim’s INSANE CD collection. It’s organized by genre and time period and it’s seriously too cool. The evening finished with Tim and a couple of his buds playing guitar and singing. I joined in singing a few of the songs and it just made me realize how glad I am to have grown up listening to 98.7 FM, even though that made middle school hard because everyone was listening to Fergie and The Fray and I didn’t know any of their songs and I felt like an outcast. It doesn’t even matter anymore, all of those oldies are just too good.

Some notable things over the past week:

We ran into a bunch of our students at a basketball game over the weekend and one of them did my hair. I think it made me look cooler than I actually am. Like, I WISH I was cool enough to regularly pull off this look. Maybe I’ll become super edgy someday and it’ll work out.

Abby (1/5 the volunteer posse) got a go pro, and we haven’t done anything too thrilling or adventurous yet but we used it to get some footage of us cleaning out our pantry in search for rats. I, personally, have not seen a rat in the house yet. But there is evidence of their presence all over the place. “Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop.” 

sweepin' da shelves.

New thing I’m obsessed with: coconut cream. It’s like, THE BEST baking ingredient of all time. I wanted to make a banana cream pie but the only cream I could find was coconut cream, so I used that and the combination was glorious, to say the least. This concoction, combined with the many loaves of bread I baked over the weekend, makes me feel like I’m reliving senior year of high school all over again, where I blew off homework and watched movies while I baked something 5 nights a week. Those were the DAYS. #occupyprecal, anyone?

Last Friday, two birds flew into the classroom as I was teaching literature. One immediately flew back out the way it came, but the other couldn't quite figure out how to leave. Long story short, the bird died in the classroom over the weekend. But before that happened, I told my students the story of that one bird that died in our house (anyone, anyone?) because it kept flying into the windows in the game room and the impact proved to be too much. Monday morning, some of the boys put the bird on a leaf and floated it in the pond behind the classroom. But then they also started throwing rocks at it. I was ANNOYED that they didn't invite me to the Viking funeral, but I told them about the episode of The Office when the bird dies from flying into the window and Dwight tries to shove it into a soda can and the beak comes off and then he plays "On the Wings of Love" on his recorder and Pam gives a eulogy and then they light the tissue box on fire. Then one of my students drew this on the back of his quiz:

Bird Funeral. Oil on Canvas. 2016.

I don’t quite know how to be funny tonight as I write. This post will probably rank last in terms of comedic value, but whatever. 

I’ve been thinking about something a lot lately, so I’ll share:

Lots of people will argue that college is the time to “find yourself,” but like, no.

I found myself in high school. I can pin down a few significant turning points where I, teenage Madeleine, was like, “Yo, this is ME. This is who I AM. I figured it OUT.” 

And then I went to college. And though that transition was fairly easy, my vision of myself changed drastically in the four years I spent at Spring Hill. I was shaped by new people, different circumstances and experiences and opportunities. Y’all, the OPPORTUNITIES that college presented me with are unreal! By the time I graduated, I knew EXACTLY who I was. I was confident in that. I was absolutely certain of who I was as an individual, what I stood for, what I wanted out of life. Sure, there were things I was uncertain about, but for the most part, I knew myself. I loved myself. I was excited about being me.

Now I’m here and I don’t know who I am. It’s weird to lose yourself like that, but I’m realizing now that I’m not really lost. I’m just in a new major phase of this discovery. The one they call “post-grad”. The one that seems scariest from both the outside and the inside.

Kids, if you’re reading this, DON’T GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE. I know that people say this every day. My uncles all told me I had a 4 year membership to a country club, and that it’d go by faster than I could imagine and I’d be sad when it was gone. But I couldn’t WAIT to graduate. I wanted to get out so badly, to be a part of the world, to see things and do things!!! HOW EXCITING!!!!! LIVING! LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE!!!!! 

But here I am, a little far beyond just being on the outside, and nothing makes sense anymore. But you know, there’s something wonderful about that. It’s a new opportunity to rediscover myself. To remember who I know myself to be, but also to grow into a truer version of the person I am called to become. I had a sour attitude about this whole idea for a while, but now it excites me. I just didn’t realize before that I’d spend my whole life figuring out who I am. I think that’s cool.

Hannah Hooper, one of my favorite musical artists ever, once said, “there’s something terrifyingly boring about knowing exactly who you are,” and I think she’s right. The thought of being one person forever and always staying in exactly the same place sounds TERRIBLE. I would never want that for myself. I don’t think any of us really want to just settle as one very specific person that fits perfectly and exactly into a little mold.

This reminds me of that scene in Bridesmaids when Annie (Kristen Wiig) and Helen (Rose Byrne) are debating whether people are who they are and always stay that way or if they grow and change all the time. Watch here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-4o5QStVuY 

Every day I think of something else I could do with my life, someone else I could be. Sometimes I come up with things that excite me, sometimes things that scare me, sometimes things that bore or offend me. But the thing is, as this Yap year continues, I will come up with fifty options for my return. I will choose one, pursue it, and potentially end up pursuing 49 other things down the line. Life is long. It’s short, but it’s long, you know? 

And on this note can I just say — we just read The Catcher in the Rye in literature and I cannot express how much I love Holden Caulfield. In many ways, I feel like I am him, though in many ways not. Promise me this, no matter who I become, make sure it’s not a phony. 

Anyway. Life is good out here these days. I like being here. I like being outside and watching the golden sunsets and slowly becoming brave enough to do more than just meet local people but actually push myself to get to know them. Knowing people is life’s greatest gift, and I’m trying to embrace that. 

As the semester comes to a close, keep my students close to your heart. We have another two weeks of class, a few days of exams, and a two week break. One final push before I’m halfway through this experience. Talk. About. WILD.

One last thing - HOW. BOUT. THEM. COWBOYS.

I facetimed my family after Thanksgiving and y’all, everyone was was repping some kind of Cowboys gear. Jeff’s phone case and computer decal. Greg’s shirt and hat. Jennifer’s shirt. I said, “dang, you guys are all wearing Cowboys stuff,” and Greg responded, “you have to.” And that’s the thing. You do have to. I can’t believe we’re finally good. I can’t wait for something amazing to happen and for us to be the non-bandwaggoners. For real, Jeff once ran into a BURNING BUILDING to rescue his Tony Romo Jerseys. This love is good. This love is real. And God bless Twitter for their RANDOM Thursday Night Football streaming deal because I can finally watch the game this week. 

But the best part of that facetime is that I caught everyone at home, all 5 of ‘em + Riley, just as they were about to start decorating our Christmas tree. It was just as difficult of a process as it always is, but it was really nice to get to still be a part of that. Look out for our Christmas card this year. It’s not on the same level as last year’s, but it’s a good one, that’s for sure.

"Yo, this plate with my face is the best ornament we have." - Jeffrey A. Ackels

"Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney in picture form.

Jennsler putting one of my ornaments on the tree. High quality screenshot, low quality sibling.

I hope all of you fine people have a killer first week of Advent. Go ahead and belt “O Come, O Come Emmanuel” for me. It’s my favorite.

sweater weather.

While things are cooling off in the states, it’s still hot as ever here. The rainy days are nice because they keep things cool(ish), and I am eternally grateful for them. Some days, I even wear a sweater. In 85 degrees. It’s actually insane. I think, for the most part, I just love sweaters and I’ll jump on any opportunity to wear one. Jennifer probably knows better than anyone how much I love sweaters, especially that big white one from SVDP with the hot chocolate stains all down the front and the mustard stains on the arms. That sweater is everything. If anything, the stains from some of my favorite foods just make me love it more, even though it’s very literally a piece of trash. “One man’s toxic sludge is another man’s potpourri.” Name that movie. It’s my favorite.

So, I’m twenty-three now! Weird how that happens. Birthdays, man.

meant to send this to you, mom. sorry for the awkward solo shot, but do you like my new lavalava?

My birthday was the WEIRDEST. Lots of highs and lows. My day was filled with facetimes and messages from the most loving people in my life, a bit of news I didn’t love receiving, surprises from my students, election results (because it was the 8th in the states while it was the 9th here), homemade ice cream cake from my roommates, and a cold, dark beer at the end of the day to ring in the new year.

In homeroom that morning, none of my juniors showed up. So for the first like, ten minutes, I had my nose buried in a book that had more than captivated my attention (thanks, Mrs. Beckstrand) and I didn’t even notice. 

All of a sudden, one of my freshmen students sprinted up to the junior building and said, “Ms. Ackels! Happy Birthday! Was I the first one to tell you?!??” He was, in fact, the first student to wish me a happy birthday, and he took great pride in that.

Just after, a whole herd of freshmen arrived with leis and nuunuws (flower crowns) for me. They also asked to take a selfie with me, you can see that below. It’s hilarious.

some Micronesians that learn Micronesian History from me.

Soon, though, it was nearing time for us to all be at morning assembly and I’m supposed to have taken roll by then. Still no sight of the juniors, so I knew something was up. 

During assembly, I saw all of my student’s faces. So obviously something was about to happen. Each time there is a birthday, our principal asks everyone to sing “happy birthday” during assembly. So, as they began singing, the students came up one by one to lay a nuunuw on my head. It was so sweet! And honestly so unexpected. I got so many! “Fat staaaaacks, Mr. White.”

Devi and me, me and Devi. Her birthday was a couple of days before mine.

After assembly, as I rushed to my first period class, a few of my homeroom students asked me to come to their classroom during lunch for another surprise. I was amped. A surprise, for me. 

I hate surprises. But I knew this one would be good. Just a word for the wise, NEVER tell me you have a surprise and make me wait for it. The worst.

I love the flowers here so much.

The morning had it’s ups and downs, but lunch eventually came. I ventured over to the junior building to find several cakes, homemade desserts, and a variety of snacks. They wanted me to eat all of it, but obviously that would have been repulsive, so I respectfully declined. We all shared in the joy of this feast - my students and my coworkers all joined in. It was lots of fun, but short lived, as the lunch break doesn’t last forever. They told me they have a birthday party for their homeroom teacher whenever they really like them. These are the same kids that asked me a couple of weeks ago if I was a hippie (because of my “chill attitude and colorful and floral outfits”). So, in case you were wondering, hippies are in this season. And apparently, I am one.

junior gals.

After dinner, my roommates surprised me with a homemade ice cream cake. I had mentioned a while ago that if I could pick a birthday present for myself this year, all I wanted was an ice cream cake, and it was too cool that they remembered. It’s funny how overwhelming an act so seemingly small can be, but I was overcome with emotion when they set the cake on the table and started singing to me. It just feels good to be known in your community. To be cared for even in a simple way. Life is good here.

bestowers of ice cream cake.

The following day, I joined Nick and a handful of the students in his morality class on a trip to the hospital to do some visits. We went room to room to visit patients and give them a little company, which is part of a service component of the junior’s religion class. It was really nice, and it was a great opportunity to see the setup of the hospital. It’s small, but it has all the things you’d need. 

To no one’s surprise, I got emotional during this trip. It was really moving to see the students interact with the sick and lonely. To enter their room for just a few minutes each, singing songs, reading scriptures, and saying prayers in order to lift their spirits. It moved me to see the faces of the sick, it was evident how much they appreciated the visitors. I learned their names and I can’t stop thinking about them. I don’t know where I’m going with this, but it was an enjoyable experience. It was nice to see the way the youth here have such respect for the elders in their community. They care about them in a way that I can’t quite put words to. I wish you could just see it for yourselves.

One night this past weekend, a group from the public high school on Yap had a social event for all of the high schoolers, and as educators of high schoolers, we got invited. We were strongly encouraged to at least show our faces, so reluctantly we went. 

When we got there, I couldn’t help but giggle. All of the kids were sitting down. Music was playing, but no one was dancing. So, we took it upon ourselves to break the ice. Much like Tim, Pat, and Nuhs Joohlie in Heavyweights, I slid out onto the floor with my coworkers and we got DOWN. Like, I don’t think I’ve danced that hard since semi-formal senior year (Austin……..) or senior party (Austin…………………..). It was so much fun, and our students eventually joined us. It was SO much fun. But we didn’t stay the whole time. I felt like I was chaperoning prom or something. But I also felt like I was sweating at the sock hop in sixth grade in the small gym at SMS. The only things missing were speakers blasting “Low” by Flo Rida and “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder, as well as a bunch of nervous boys wearing polos and khaki shorts.

Get ready for another Heavyweights reference. Drum roll, please.

On Friday, we had the day off, so we set off early in the morning on a hike to surprise our friend Sana for her birthday. We left with mac and cheese in tow to venture up the Tamilygog Trail to reach the koyeng (a Yapese word for a hut-like structure that serves as a small meeting house of sorts) at the top of the hill. This is a place I had been before, but the view does not get old. You can see the ocean on three sides and the trees are unreal. 

halfway up.

Almost every time I hike, I think about the scene in Heavyweights when Tony takes the boys on a hike. Or the scene in Remember the Titans when the team has to get up at like 4 am to run to Gettysburg. I don't know why those are the same to me. "Leave him, he's a straggler. Stragglers must be left to fend for themselves." 

After a little while, Sana, Laurel, and Caroline (Peace Corps chicas) reached the koyeng as well and we had a picnic of mac and cheese, bacon, taro (local food), and pumpkin cupcakes. The view, the company, and the breeze were all spectacular. It was the perfect start to a long weekend.

The following night, we went to the sports complex to watch a couple of basketball games. It’s no AAC, but it felt great to watch a live basketball game. I don’t know a lot, but the Mavs don’t seem to be doing as well as the Cowboys (HOW BOUT DEM?! 8-1 are you kidding me???) so these Yapese teams will fill the void this season.

found this selfie of our neighbor, Summer, on my phone after the basketball game.

While I was watching, I couldn’t help but get flashbacks to my scorekeeping days in the DPL. I especially remember working some games with Greg where parents of 5th grade girls would get upset if we didn’t put the points on the board quickly enough, or if the refs were making bad calls — as if we, the scorekeepers, had anything to do with that. Man, those were the days.

Something random -

I don’t like to fix minor inconveniences. I’d rather live with the inconvenience than take the time to fix it. It’s one of my many flaws.

One example of this is the fact that I was living with no light in my room for about six weeks. Maybe longer, who knows.  Some ants got into the wiring behind the light switch and blew it out. I just never bothered fixing it because it seemed like more of a hassle to get it fixed than to live without it. There is only one electrician on the island that I know of, and he came by to fix it a few days ago. I got so used to the darkness that I hardly noticed it, so I still forget to turn on the light in my room sometimes when I need it. But now I don’t need to use a flashlight when I facetime, so I apologize to everyone who enjoyed that spooky arrangement.

Another example of me ignoring inconveniences is this weirdo rash / ailment that I have. The back of my neck had been itchy for several days before I said anything about it to anyone else, and upon inspection, my roommates realized that I had mysterious red bumps all over my neck which were creeping over my shoulders, down my back, and up onto my scalp.  I just assumed a spider went nuts one night while I was sleeping. Even after we realized that wasn't the case, I still didn’t seek an answer. I figured it was easier to just deal with the itchiness (by ignoring it, because I’m above scratching) than to go to the hospital to check it out. It wasn’t until it started to creep over to the side of my face that I decided to take action. “This is the moneymaker! I’m not that good of an actor! This is how I get the jobs, I know that!” Oh man, Cheaper by the Dozen is so underrated.

But anyway, I asked my neighbor Mary what was going on (after my roommates strongly encouraged me to inquire). It’s most likely heat related, curable by - you guessed it - coconut oil. Coconut oil is the Yapese version of Windex for Greeks. Also, Mary knows everything. Also also, PTL I don’t have boils because that’s a thing that people get. So.

Maybe this is too much information. “TMI. Too Much Information. Uh, it’s just easier to say TMI. I used to say ‘don’t go there, but that’s lame.”

I feel like this is a weird place to end. But I don’t know what else to say.

So I’ll just say this.

If you didn’t look at the moon the past few nights, we can’t be friends. Sha. Beep. So magnificent. Totally unreal. I’m illogically terrified of being lost in space, but I wanna go to that moon.

super moon in Maap before it was super super.

super moon outside of my apartment once it was super super.

And this.

Thanks to everyone who reached out and said hey on my birthday, especially the people who mailed me cards!!! And also to you few surprises who said super nice, really unexpected and uplifting things. You may or may not know who you are. But you’re the greatest. I feel blessed to have another year of living alongside and loving you people. 

betelnutgeuse, betelnutgeuse, betelnutgeuse.

Hello, hello!

It’s been more than a couple of weeks since I wrote last, and there is lots to fill you in on. I’ve been super busy, and every time I thought about writing I thought, dang, I have way too many things to cover … so I just kept putting it off. But here I am, in the midst of a three day weekend, taking advantage of the opportunity to lay down the highlights of the past few weeks here in the FSM because some of you are aggressively reminding me that I haven't written lately. 

I'm still as cute as I used to be, don't worry.

This will just be a series of updates:

1. Update on my lavalava - 

this is Angie. she always has a bright, beautiful smile on her face.

I have been too afraid to wear it again (see: binder clips, one post back) but I did get the opportunity to watch my neighbor Angie make a lavalava. It is such a cool process, but I don’t know how to explain it. You have to use this super thin string and weave it over a series of pipes. As I watched her weave, it made absolutely no sense to me how the string would end up as a flat piece of fabric. Like, it didn’t appear as if it would hold itself together. But I’ve seen her finished products. She knows what she’s doing. 

2. Update on volleyball - 

#coachackels

Well, our tournament season is officially over. We played three regular season games and two post-season games. There were four teams total and we finished 4th with losses making up 100% of our record. But hey, we didn’t get swept in two of our five games, so that’s gotta count for something, right? The girls played hard and progressed a lot throughout the past several weeks (no thanks to me) and I am proud of them. I’m looking very much forward to basketball season, where I actually know a little more about what is happening / how to coach. In the picture above, you may notice I’m wearing converse, even after I was explicitly told “not to bring closed toe shoes to Yap unless you’re a runner,” which I am definitely not.

As a coach, I thought I would feel like the one from Hoosiers, or like Denzel in Remember the Titans. But really I'm just Phil Weston from Kicking and Screaming during like the first two games he coaches, or Tim in Heavyweights in that one scene where they play baseball. "You can do it. Keep your eyes on the bat. Put it in the pocket. Swing harder. I have no idea what I'm saying." I need Mike Ditka to come show me some pointers, or some Italians to carry the team.

3. Update on school - 

rainy mornings at school.

I feel like I’m killing it as a teacher, and that feels really great. I know there is exponential room for improvement, but I love my job and I know that in this particular time and place in my life it is the best job for me. 

I’m having so much fun with my sophomores in Literature. We’re reading 1984, so we spent two class periods before we began reading going over some background stuff so they wouldn’t be totally confused by the novel (though, the novel is in fact totally confusing and many of them are very, very lost…but whatever, that book is dope). By “background knowledge” I really mean “conspiracy theories”. That’s right, we talked about conspiracy theories for two class periods. 

What really happened is I mentioned subliminal messaging, and the rest is all a blur.

If you know me at all, you know I love conspiracy theories, almost as much as I love leftovers and the Jim Carey version of The Grinch. 

One thing led to another and my kids kept asking questions about conspiracies, so we just kind of went nuts. Of course when I say "we" I mean "I". We got into all sorts of things. I may or may not have played some backmasking clips for them. You know, when you listen to records backwards. Freaked them out, sure, but I was in heaven.

They asked if I could start a conspiracy club as one of the electives for next semester. I still haven’t asked if that’s something I can do, but if it is, I’m psyched. BIG shoutout to Mrs. Santosuosso and all the chicks in my JFK class who lit this fire within me. Now people all over the world think I'm crazy.

PS - Tupac is alive. Paul McCartney might not be. And there is absolutely no way we landed on the moon in ’69, I don’t care what Ren Stevens says. 

My history class has been a blast lately. We spent a large portion of first quarter working on some note-taking and study skills so there wasn’t a lot of time for “fun,” but we’re getting there. I’ve tried (and both failed and succeeded) with some cool history activities. It’s easy to be creative in this class.

We learned about a specific Micronesian legend that explains how the island of Chuuk (one of the other states in the FSM) was settled, and then I had all of the students write their own Micronesian legends. They also shared some real legends with me. They are so fascinating, and it makes my day to see their faces light up when they get to share a piece of their culture with me. I love the freshmen so much. They are always, always a step beyond happy. They’re also ridiculous and super entertaining to be around. They keep me young, haha.

Scripture has been great. We spent a couple of class days planning an all school mass, and it turned out to be a lot of fun. There is a lot of talent in that class. Many great singers and musicians. 

We’re flying through the Old Testament, and it’s been cool to see the ways they are appreciating this text. I couldn’t stand the OT (honesty hour) when I was in high school. I had no appreciation for it. But my students seem to have a better ability to see what it’s all about, to recognize God’s mercy and goodness. 

We’ve been doing a lot of skits, and though they usually get out of control, they’re very hilarious. This class is only 16 students and they’ve been in school with each other forever, so their humor has been perfectly cultivated over the years. They always have the best comebacks and their timing is amazing. I’m constantly impressed by the way they make each other laugh. It’s a high-quality humor many kids their age haven’t quite mastered.

In general, the atmosphere at school has been a little melancholy. There have been several tragedies in the community lately, and our students are very much impacted by them. It has been hard to see sadness overcome many of them, but it is also wildly beautiful to see the love and support they have for each other. I have cried with many of my students over the past couple of weeks, and I have realized how real my love is for them.

Every student at YCHS has a special place in my heart and in my life. Every single one. I know and understand my place as their teacher; my role is to educate them. But beyond that, I love them all so deeply. I cannot express the joy they bring to my life. It really is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Being a teacher in this school is the happiest place I have ever been, and it is 100% because of my students.

Guess what followed me all the way to Yap? THAT STUPID PICTURE THAT’S IN THE STUDENT CENTER AT SPRING HILL. You know the one. The one that’s right at the bottom of the staircase. The same one that’s also cut out into the word “BADGERS” above the drink machines in the caf. The one that has been/might still be the banner picture at the top of the school website. That heinous picture, where someone said something hilarious right as it was taken and I have the ugliest laugh painted on my face.

We received eight copies of some college catalogue and all of the kids are flipping through it. The director of our school, one of the Jesuits, spotted the photo first. I arrived at school one day this week to the page ripped out of the catalogue and pinned up on the fridge in the faculty room. Rude. I’m just holding on until the students find it and point it out or draw a mustache on my face. Hid.

4. Update on my health - 

4/5 of the posse lookin' fresh.

One of the municipalities, Nimgil, had a health fair a couple of weekends ago at a beautiful beach park on the coast. There was perfect weather and a great turn out, we couldn’t have asked for a better afternoon.

beautiful display of healthy, local foods. check out those snake beans!

The health resources on the island aren’t up to snuff, but it’s really cool to see the moves people are making to improve that. It was really inspiring to me to see local people coming together to campaign for a healthier way of life on Yap.

tellin' people what's up with their BMI.

There is not a lot of awareness about nutrition or healthy habits in general, but a lot is being done to combat that. Diabetes and various cancers that come from chewing betelnut are prevalent here, so this health fair was put on to spread the word about how to live a more healthy life. Overall, it was a very informative day full of good friends and even better food.

all of this food is 100% local - every ingredient, down to the oil, was grown and made on Yap. del.

And my health was analyzed and PSA I’m super healthy!!!11111!1! Except my arms got v bruised last weekend from playing volleyball for like 9 minutes so maybe I’m not as healthy as I once appeared.

Just a little by the way for those of you who don't know what betelnut is:

It's a locally grown nut that is used the same way people might use chewing tobacco. It is a very large part of the culture here to chew betelnut. People often wrap it in a certain type of leaf, which causes the whole thing to turn a reddish brown color, which stains people's teeth. You chew the nut, which you first fill with lyme (crushed coral) and sometimes tobacco, and then spit out the juice. Thus, betelnutgeuse. Puns on POINT.

we got cups that were carved out of bamboo. pretty sick, right?

Oh! This isn’t super related to health, but I guess it fits well enough here. A couple of weeks ago I was going for a bike ride so I put on my leggings and in a matter of seconds my legs were on FIRE. I didn’t really understand what was going on so I just kind of stood in my room for a minute and waited for it to pass, only, it didn’t pass.

So I ripped off my leggings only to find that my legs were COVERED in fire ants which were actively biting every inch of my legs. I ran to the shower to drown them all viciously but they had left their mark.

Ant bite city.

They ended up eating very decent-sized holes in my leggings. Who knew ants could digest Nike products? Add that to the list of things I’m learning out here.

Related: my mom suggested that I dress up as an ant trap for Halloween and she laughed SO HARD at herself when she said this, but I booed her and dad was on my side, so I was Noah instead. Except everyone thought I was Moses because I didn’t have any animals. And three of my students asked if I was Gandolf so I just said, “sure”.

5. Update on cool things I’m doing with my time - 

Our Peace Corps friend Sana, the one who lives on the beach in Maap, is a beast. She is a certified yoga instructor, so on Sunday evenings she invites us up to Maap to do yoga and then swim afterwards. It’s awesome. The yoga is mad challenging, like she’s not playing around. Try to plank for four minutes and then do a chair pose without falling. I’m so bad at it, but the view makes it worth it. 

sunset in Maap, lovely as ever.

Tim Bigelow, another absolute beast and a half, put on an event for us the other night called “Tacos and Tuba”. 

I don’t know if you guys know about tacos, but they’re amazing. Tacos, for those of you who don’t know, are a Mexican-inspired food dish where you wrap a protein, along with various, other ingredients, into a tortilla. They are delicious. You should try them.

And tuba, well, everyone knows what tuba is. But for explanation’s sake, in simplest terms, tuba is coconut wine. Wine is any alcoholic beverage made from fruit juice (thank you farms to pharms and Dr. C). So, this is just that. With coconuts. Aaaaaaand it’s not good. But it's hella cultural (hella....can you tell I live with a Californian?).

If you know me well, you know I’ll pretty much eat anything. Like, the other night we were eating dinner and there was this cucumber that was covered in ants and someone held it up and was like “hahaha ew this is covered in ants what if someone ate it” and then I just ate it. Like, gross. That’s where I’m at with eating.

But I won’t drink tuba. 

I tried it, didn’t hate it so much, but didn’t enjoy it at all. (“Peach iced tea, you’re gonna hate it.”) I think my brain gets confused around it because it smells like food, but then it’s not food because it’s a drink. So, you can see my hesitation to consume it.

Last weekend, there was another traditional dance in one of the villages in the Gagil municipality. It was at a stone money bank on the grounds where they hold Yap Day, a multi-day cultural celebration that takes place every March. It was cool - we got a tour of the area before the dances and we got to see some of the remains of a school that was built and used while Yap was under Japanese occupation. Good stuff, rich history. I dig it.

local dance feat. stone money.

OH! Tamil movie night! THE FREAKING BEST (sorry for saying “freaking,” mom. Sometimes you just really gotta grab life, ya know?). So another one of our Peace Corps friends, Laurel, lives with a host family in Tamil. And if I haven’t said this already, Tamil knows what’s up. They have their stuff together. They kind of remind me of The Others in Lost. Even the way some of their buildings are set up, it kind of looks like the school grounds and stuff. Wild. I was feeling a lot like Kate. Except I'm not caught up in a love triangle at the moment. In due time.

 — side note — remember when Jeff watched ALL of Lost in one week during spring break 2011? And emerged from his cave at the end of the week with bloodshot eyes, a full beard, and nothing in his stomach except for hot pockets and goldfish? Classic Peg.

They have this big lawn in the middle of the municipality and on the lawn is a big screen where they project a double-feature every other Saturday night. So Laurel invited us up a couple of weeks ago and they showed the new Ghostbusters movie and the new Independence Day. It was pretty legit. 

In honor of Halloween, they had another movie night the following weekend. They played Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin, Betelgeuse, and Suicide Squad.

L

O

L

Did you see Suicide Squad? When I saw that was the last movie, I kept laughing to myself and thinking about Jeff and our friend Zach and all of the jokes we had about that movie at the end of the summer before it even came out. Then it came and went and I never saw it, so it took me coming all the way to Yap to understand that it was just as bad (if not worse) than everyone said it was. What a dumb movie. Like, it didn’t even make sense?! But maybe it didn’t make sense because I fell asleep for over an hour.

Dafrad, our beast of a neighbor, just completed his altar server training, so Abby and I went to watch his second mass as a server on All Souls Day. Like I said before, he's a total beast. Brought me back to my early days as an altar server and all of the jokes we used to make. "Tennis shoes Mr. Ackels?" "Caaanes, Mr. Bob?" All I remember is fighting with my siblings over cross, book, or bells. Book was where it was at.

6. Update on things I need - 

Taylor Swift’s Red album. I need to listen to "Treacherous" right now. NEED. Also "State of Grace". And all the rest of it, except for “Stay, Stay, Stay” because that is the biggest farce of all time.

Veggie Straws, because they don’t have them here but I did find a bag of “Veggie Chips” at the store the other day and it was $17 which is less than a gallon of ice cream at select stores so obviously I have better ways to spend my limited dough.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, or whichever one is the fifth one because I just finished the fourth and DANG I DON’T KNOW HOW ANYONE READ THESE BOOKS WITH GAPS OF TIME IN BETWEEN. Talk about zesty. 

7. Update on things I don’t need - 

A machete. Because I got my own. And it’s totally zesty. So far I have used it to cut down trees, open coconuts, and pick up leeches (because ew, I’m not touching those with my bare hands).

8. Update on random thoughts that I have - 

The stars here are absolutely unreal. Because it is still raining all the time, the sky is not typically clear at night. But when it is, WOOO. Breathtaking. 

I mean, think about it. I’m on a tiny little island in the middle of the ocean. Imagine how well you can see stars in a place that is covered by real darkness? It’s so amazing. I wish I could photograph it, but I don’t have a sweet camera. But I think not photographing them makes the nights where I go outside and lay on the ground and gaze at the sky just a little more special.

I can’t stop thinking about how much I love stars and flowers. Both of these things are so beautiful here. The flowers that grow in my backyard are those that would cost unbelievable amounts of money to include in an arrangement at home. It’s kind of crazy to think about. I am being exposed to two things I love very much, it’s great to take the time to appreciate them. 

I am almost 23 years old. My Jordan year, as they say. I don’t know what to do with it. Suggestions are welcome. I just keep thinking about how all of the birthday presents I got from my friends last year were food. Is that the legacy I want to keep? Absolutely. My cousin doots taught me a very important lesson when I was little. She told me her life motto was, “Food is good. Eat it.” And so I did. All the time. And I still do. 

I’d cut my right arm off for some kib right now. 

taking advantage of days where we get invited to beachfront properties.

Shout out to all of my siblings. You guys are seriously the best. Aaaaand scene.

Shout out to all you fine people who are continuing to send me letters and to those who are still reading this blog. It means a lot that you are taking the time to sit down and spend a little time with me. I feel it. Helps me to ignore the vast distance between us. ILY.

One final note - I’m very much anticipating the election this week. Not to sound all “I’m better than you,” but if I can vote from Yap, you can vote too. Don’t waste your right. No matter the outcome, something insane is going to happen. Be a part of it.

Much love to all my peeps and to my mom's friends who I have never met that also read this blog. You're my heroes.