ladies leave your man at home.

This week, Yap is hosting the Federated States of Micronesia’s National Women’s Conference. It’s pretty sweet - leaders from the four states of the FSM as well as leaders and ambassadors from various pacific nations have gathered here on this lil’ bitty island to talk about la-la-la ladies, ladies.

They’re hitting hot topics like human trafficking, gender equality, and females in the government. It’s pretty sweet, honestly. I’m really pumped that this is happening because these leaders, male and female, are having really open and honest conversations about how to move forward with women’s rights.

Traditionally, women cannot hold power in the FSM, in a family unit or in the government. They have strong voices and have a lot of influence in nearly every decision that is made both in their families and in politics, but they are never the ones who get to publicly stand up and share this voice. Everything must go through a man. It’s not an oppressive thing, it’s just cultural. But some aspects of this culture are a bit outdated. 

From what I’ve gathered in the short two months that I’ve been here, many people, especially the young people on the island, have very mixed feelings about the deterioration of the culture here. Each day, Yap is becoming more modernized. 

Examples: a Chinese company has allegedly bought private beachfront property from families who live on the northern end of the island so they can turn that area into a resort. Another company is set to install a fiber optic cable on the island sometime in the next year so that the internet service here will be better. Men and women are breaking out of some of their more traditional roles in daily life. People are choosing to dress in modern outfits rather than in their traditional clothing. A lot is changing - some of it is very good, very progressive, but sometimes this progression is negative. 

There are a lot of beautiful aspects of the culture here, and for the most part this is appreciated by the locals. I talk to my students about this frequently, especially in Micronesian history. They feel very torn. On one hand, they want to dress like people in the US, they want cell phones and Facebook pages, they want to dye their hair and wear makeup. But on the other hand, they want to participate in traditional dances and ceremonies with the people in their village, or go to taro patches with their mothers or fishing with their fathers on the weekends. Some crave an opportunity to get off of this island and stay off for good, while others want to get an education elsewhere and return to their home and sustain it and help it flourish. I see both sides. I feel torn as well, though I am only looking from the outside.

Sunday sunsets with some pals.

I love this culture. I love culture in general. I can’t get enough of it. I like all of the little things, like the quirky social guidelines. However foreign they may seem to me at times, I always appreciate them. It is important to have culture and to respect it, take pride in it.

Anyway, earlier this week, one village performed some of their traditional dances to kick off the week of Women’s Conference activities. Two of our students were part of this performance, so of course we went to watch. It was SO COOL. I really enjoyed it! It made me feel so proud of them for not feeling embarrassed about embracing their culture. I spoke to one of the students the next day during homeroom and she told me that sometimes it is hard to want to participate in such events because it’s not the “cool” thing to do. But I get it. When I was growing up and no one knew what hummus was, I was always embarrassed to explain what that weird tan stuff was in my school lunch. But look at hummus now! Someday soon, all of you will know how to do traditional dances from Yap. They’ll be trending, I know it.

I had a video of the dances to post here, but I'm having trouble uploading it. "Maybe next week?" she asks with just a faint twinge of hope in her voice.

Guess who was at the performance?! PETER CHRISTIAN! *cue fangirl screams* Ahhhh!!!!!! 

Don’t know who Peter Christian is? It’s cool, neither did I until like two weeks ago. 

He’s the President of the FSM! He’s the leader of a nation. A real deal President. And he just casually strolled into the community center with his first lady to watch this dance the other night. Sat in a metal folding chair with a piece of paper taped to it that said “President Christian” as we sat just behind him in the bleachers. I was hanging with a world leader, people. I probably think that’s way cooler than you do, but whatever.

This is me trying to play it cool in front of Prez Christian. He's on the far left, in the navy shirt, just being a boss.

Random thought of the week:

I don’t think I’ve fully adjusted to the cold shower thing yet. 

Each day when I take a shower, I literally stand in the bathroom just after I turn the water on and just stare at it with my arms crossed, like a five year old about to be put in a dentist’s chair. “You really expect me to do that? I’m not going in there.” I’m such a brat about it for like half a minute before I suck it up and just go for it.

I came up with a good strategy, though. Now, before I take a shower, I close the window in my room and turn off my fan and just stand in the sweatbox I’ve created for a few minutes until I can’t take it anymore and the thought of ice cold water hitting my body sounds better than jasmine rice from Med Sand Co. at 3 am or a coke icee or marrying Nick Jonas in 2009.

Might as well get real for a minute or two. (that’s a good segue, right?)

Want to know the truth about my life here? It’s hard. And I knew it would be, I think we all did. But seriously, guys, it’s so hard. 

I don’t say this so you’ll think, “Wow, she’s so strong. It’s hard but she hasn’t come home. She’s so great.” Nooooo no. No. Not at all. I say this because I want to be honest. I don’t want you to think it’s all sunshine and rainbows for me (though there’s a whole lot of sunshine and a whole lot of rain). 

I feel so weak sometimes. Real people live here, I’m just here for a few months. Why is it hard for me to be here? Why can’t I just deal with it? What, specifically, is it that’s challenging me so much? Why am I being such a baby?

I think the hardest thing for me right now is the fact that being so far away is forcing me to learn more about myself…and I’m not so sure I’m liking what I’m finding out. I’m learning that I don’t know what I want to do with my life. 

I know what you’re thinking — who actually does know what they want to do with their life when they’re almost 23? 

Seems like a lot of people know. Or at least kind of know. 

I don’t even know what I’m good at. Or what I like. Or what I’m passionate about.

I’d like to say I’m ambitious, but am I really? What am I working towards? What are my goals, long term or short term? 

Dude. I don’t know.

So my gut instinct is to start researching grad schools. Out west, of course. 

My thinking was that I would start looking at what programs are actually offered and some magical word will jump off the page and say, “Madeleine, THIS is what you were made for! You were made to get a master’s in ________! You finally found me, your destiny!”

Obviously that didn’t happen. Because this is real life.

I read list after list of programs offered at the top (and bottom…) schools in every state west of the Mississippi. And there was nothing. Not one single thing stood out. Nothing sounded good. Nothing sounded right for me. Nothing seemed interesting or cool or exciting. Nothing sparked my interest or aligned with my passions.

So I ranted to my fellow volunteers about this. “What are you good at?” they asked. 

I don’t know.

“Well, what are you passionate about?”

…I, uh… I don’t know. Well, like, I do know. But you can’t make a career out of loving people and traveling and music and food.

“Hmmm. Well, what do you like? Like what is something you could see yourself enjoying?”

GUYS, I DON’T KNOW.

So that’s where I am with that right now. Put a pin in it. But I’m thinking probably not with grad school 2k17.

Okay, okay. Time for good things.

About a week or two ago, a GINORMOUS cargo ship came to port in good ol’ Yap. And let me tell you, it was full of treasure. Two treasures, in particular.

The first treasure was pure gold. Cheddar, if you will.

That’s right people. Cheddar freaking cheese. On this island. 

You better believe I bought a very expensive block of the good stuff - Medium Cheddar, because mild’s for sissies and they didn’t have hard. But I’m not complaining. CHEDDAR CHEESE. 

I brought that sucker home and bit a huge bite right off the corner and just took a minute to praise the captain of that cargo ship for delivering the cheddar I didn’t know I needed. 

Just going for it.

The other good I was particularly fond of in this delivery is what’s called a UFO - unidentified frozen object. It tastes just like a moon pie, except there’s vanilla ice cream in the middle instead of whipped cream. It’s two oatmeal cookies with ice cream sandwiched between them, and then the whole thing is dipped in a chocolate shell. SO. GOOD. And so affordable. Nick and I went several days (in a row, but who’s keeping track) to pick one up and enjoy them quickly before they melt in this equatorial heat. 

We felt reassured after our Tuesday UFO venture, noticing a whole box full of UFOs just beneath the nearly empty box from which we grabbed our daily treat. So all day Wednesday, I kept thinking, “Yes! Today’s a mail day and then after the post office I’ll grab a UFO and then grade the 20 literature papers that I have to read in one night (woof).” So I got some mail (thanks peeps, I’ve been writing all of you back, don’t worry) and headed over to Blue Lagoon, my favorite grocer in town, where my hopes of grading papers in a blissful state post-ice cream indulgence were VIOLENTLY CRUSHED as I looked in the freezer and saw that there was not a single UFO left. Nick and I are opening a legitimate investigation to find out who bought the whole case. Shouldn’t be too hard to find the culprit, there aren’t that many people here.

Something cool/fun that I got invited to do this past weekend was go fishing. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but Sarah, the girl I share my apartment with, is so great. She’s so friendly and personable and she cares about every person she encounters. She’s really good at meeting new people and befriending them. So I owe most of my local friendships to her.

Anyway, she and two of the women that live in our building have become pretty good pals. These two ladies invited us to join them for a 5 am excursion to go fishing last Saturday, so of course we said yes! I’m always down to fish. 

We didn’t catch anything (surprise, surprise. I’m the worst luck to have around) but I saw an eel so that was pretty sweet. Later that day, after we went back to sleep and woke up again, they invited us over for lunch. It was really lovely to a) be invited somewhere and b) feel taken care of by a neighbor. Someone cooking for you is such a great and underrated act of love and care. I so appreciated their thoughtfulness and their company. It was a good day.

Last thing before I’m finished for the week - I have a shout out. 

Cheers to you, Rachel Failla, for mailing me a crisp Jackson and thus funding my next gallon of ice cream. I thought for two seconds about branching out for this second gallon and getting something fun, like cookies and cream (because there is usually only chocolate, vanilla, and a red flavor with a blue swirl, appropriately named “Superman” (who’s flavor is just as mysterious as a man with supernatural powers)) but NOPE I just got chocolate because it’s the best thing that ever happened to mankind - followed by democracy, live comedy shows, and corn (in that order). Thanks for being a real homie. I now have a spoonful of sugar to look forward to every day after school for the next month.

It's October. Go Rangers.

Sports Jeff, terrorizing St. Louis fans one season at a time.