betelnutgeuse, betelnutgeuse, betelnutgeuse.

Hello, hello!

It’s been more than a couple of weeks since I wrote last, and there is lots to fill you in on. I’ve been super busy, and every time I thought about writing I thought, dang, I have way too many things to cover … so I just kept putting it off. But here I am, in the midst of a three day weekend, taking advantage of the opportunity to lay down the highlights of the past few weeks here in the FSM because some of you are aggressively reminding me that I haven't written lately. 

I'm still as cute as I used to be, don't worry.

This will just be a series of updates:

1. Update on my lavalava - 

this is Angie. she always has a bright, beautiful smile on her face.

I have been too afraid to wear it again (see: binder clips, one post back) but I did get the opportunity to watch my neighbor Angie make a lavalava. It is such a cool process, but I don’t know how to explain it. You have to use this super thin string and weave it over a series of pipes. As I watched her weave, it made absolutely no sense to me how the string would end up as a flat piece of fabric. Like, it didn’t appear as if it would hold itself together. But I’ve seen her finished products. She knows what she’s doing. 

2. Update on volleyball - 

#coachackels

Well, our tournament season is officially over. We played three regular season games and two post-season games. There were four teams total and we finished 4th with losses making up 100% of our record. But hey, we didn’t get swept in two of our five games, so that’s gotta count for something, right? The girls played hard and progressed a lot throughout the past several weeks (no thanks to me) and I am proud of them. I’m looking very much forward to basketball season, where I actually know a little more about what is happening / how to coach. In the picture above, you may notice I’m wearing converse, even after I was explicitly told “not to bring closed toe shoes to Yap unless you’re a runner,” which I am definitely not.

As a coach, I thought I would feel like the one from Hoosiers, or like Denzel in Remember the Titans. But really I'm just Phil Weston from Kicking and Screaming during like the first two games he coaches, or Tim in Heavyweights in that one scene where they play baseball. "You can do it. Keep your eyes on the bat. Put it in the pocket. Swing harder. I have no idea what I'm saying." I need Mike Ditka to come show me some pointers, or some Italians to carry the team.

3. Update on school - 

rainy mornings at school.

I feel like I’m killing it as a teacher, and that feels really great. I know there is exponential room for improvement, but I love my job and I know that in this particular time and place in my life it is the best job for me. 

I’m having so much fun with my sophomores in Literature. We’re reading 1984, so we spent two class periods before we began reading going over some background stuff so they wouldn’t be totally confused by the novel (though, the novel is in fact totally confusing and many of them are very, very lost…but whatever, that book is dope). By “background knowledge” I really mean “conspiracy theories”. That’s right, we talked about conspiracy theories for two class periods. 

What really happened is I mentioned subliminal messaging, and the rest is all a blur.

If you know me at all, you know I love conspiracy theories, almost as much as I love leftovers and the Jim Carey version of The Grinch. 

One thing led to another and my kids kept asking questions about conspiracies, so we just kind of went nuts. Of course when I say "we" I mean "I". We got into all sorts of things. I may or may not have played some backmasking clips for them. You know, when you listen to records backwards. Freaked them out, sure, but I was in heaven.

They asked if I could start a conspiracy club as one of the electives for next semester. I still haven’t asked if that’s something I can do, but if it is, I’m psyched. BIG shoutout to Mrs. Santosuosso and all the chicks in my JFK class who lit this fire within me. Now people all over the world think I'm crazy.

PS - Tupac is alive. Paul McCartney might not be. And there is absolutely no way we landed on the moon in ’69, I don’t care what Ren Stevens says. 

My history class has been a blast lately. We spent a large portion of first quarter working on some note-taking and study skills so there wasn’t a lot of time for “fun,” but we’re getting there. I’ve tried (and both failed and succeeded) with some cool history activities. It’s easy to be creative in this class.

We learned about a specific Micronesian legend that explains how the island of Chuuk (one of the other states in the FSM) was settled, and then I had all of the students write their own Micronesian legends. They also shared some real legends with me. They are so fascinating, and it makes my day to see their faces light up when they get to share a piece of their culture with me. I love the freshmen so much. They are always, always a step beyond happy. They’re also ridiculous and super entertaining to be around. They keep me young, haha.

Scripture has been great. We spent a couple of class days planning an all school mass, and it turned out to be a lot of fun. There is a lot of talent in that class. Many great singers and musicians. 

We’re flying through the Old Testament, and it’s been cool to see the ways they are appreciating this text. I couldn’t stand the OT (honesty hour) when I was in high school. I had no appreciation for it. But my students seem to have a better ability to see what it’s all about, to recognize God’s mercy and goodness. 

We’ve been doing a lot of skits, and though they usually get out of control, they’re very hilarious. This class is only 16 students and they’ve been in school with each other forever, so their humor has been perfectly cultivated over the years. They always have the best comebacks and their timing is amazing. I’m constantly impressed by the way they make each other laugh. It’s a high-quality humor many kids their age haven’t quite mastered.

In general, the atmosphere at school has been a little melancholy. There have been several tragedies in the community lately, and our students are very much impacted by them. It has been hard to see sadness overcome many of them, but it is also wildly beautiful to see the love and support they have for each other. I have cried with many of my students over the past couple of weeks, and I have realized how real my love is for them.

Every student at YCHS has a special place in my heart and in my life. Every single one. I know and understand my place as their teacher; my role is to educate them. But beyond that, I love them all so deeply. I cannot express the joy they bring to my life. It really is unlike anything I have ever experienced. Being a teacher in this school is the happiest place I have ever been, and it is 100% because of my students.

Guess what followed me all the way to Yap? THAT STUPID PICTURE THAT’S IN THE STUDENT CENTER AT SPRING HILL. You know the one. The one that’s right at the bottom of the staircase. The same one that’s also cut out into the word “BADGERS” above the drink machines in the caf. The one that has been/might still be the banner picture at the top of the school website. That heinous picture, where someone said something hilarious right as it was taken and I have the ugliest laugh painted on my face.

We received eight copies of some college catalogue and all of the kids are flipping through it. The director of our school, one of the Jesuits, spotted the photo first. I arrived at school one day this week to the page ripped out of the catalogue and pinned up on the fridge in the faculty room. Rude. I’m just holding on until the students find it and point it out or draw a mustache on my face. Hid.

4. Update on my health - 

4/5 of the posse lookin' fresh.

One of the municipalities, Nimgil, had a health fair a couple of weekends ago at a beautiful beach park on the coast. There was perfect weather and a great turn out, we couldn’t have asked for a better afternoon.

beautiful display of healthy, local foods. check out those snake beans!

The health resources on the island aren’t up to snuff, but it’s really cool to see the moves people are making to improve that. It was really inspiring to me to see local people coming together to campaign for a healthier way of life on Yap.

tellin' people what's up with their BMI.

There is not a lot of awareness about nutrition or healthy habits in general, but a lot is being done to combat that. Diabetes and various cancers that come from chewing betelnut are prevalent here, so this health fair was put on to spread the word about how to live a more healthy life. Overall, it was a very informative day full of good friends and even better food.

all of this food is 100% local - every ingredient, down to the oil, was grown and made on Yap. del.

And my health was analyzed and PSA I’m super healthy!!!11111!1! Except my arms got v bruised last weekend from playing volleyball for like 9 minutes so maybe I’m not as healthy as I once appeared.

Just a little by the way for those of you who don't know what betelnut is:

It's a locally grown nut that is used the same way people might use chewing tobacco. It is a very large part of the culture here to chew betelnut. People often wrap it in a certain type of leaf, which causes the whole thing to turn a reddish brown color, which stains people's teeth. You chew the nut, which you first fill with lyme (crushed coral) and sometimes tobacco, and then spit out the juice. Thus, betelnutgeuse. Puns on POINT.

we got cups that were carved out of bamboo. pretty sick, right?

Oh! This isn’t super related to health, but I guess it fits well enough here. A couple of weeks ago I was going for a bike ride so I put on my leggings and in a matter of seconds my legs were on FIRE. I didn’t really understand what was going on so I just kind of stood in my room for a minute and waited for it to pass, only, it didn’t pass.

So I ripped off my leggings only to find that my legs were COVERED in fire ants which were actively biting every inch of my legs. I ran to the shower to drown them all viciously but they had left their mark.

Ant bite city.

They ended up eating very decent-sized holes in my leggings. Who knew ants could digest Nike products? Add that to the list of things I’m learning out here.

Related: my mom suggested that I dress up as an ant trap for Halloween and she laughed SO HARD at herself when she said this, but I booed her and dad was on my side, so I was Noah instead. Except everyone thought I was Moses because I didn’t have any animals. And three of my students asked if I was Gandolf so I just said, “sure”.

5. Update on cool things I’m doing with my time - 

Our Peace Corps friend Sana, the one who lives on the beach in Maap, is a beast. She is a certified yoga instructor, so on Sunday evenings she invites us up to Maap to do yoga and then swim afterwards. It’s awesome. The yoga is mad challenging, like she’s not playing around. Try to plank for four minutes and then do a chair pose without falling. I’m so bad at it, but the view makes it worth it. 

sunset in Maap, lovely as ever.

Tim Bigelow, another absolute beast and a half, put on an event for us the other night called “Tacos and Tuba”. 

I don’t know if you guys know about tacos, but they’re amazing. Tacos, for those of you who don’t know, are a Mexican-inspired food dish where you wrap a protein, along with various, other ingredients, into a tortilla. They are delicious. You should try them.

And tuba, well, everyone knows what tuba is. But for explanation’s sake, in simplest terms, tuba is coconut wine. Wine is any alcoholic beverage made from fruit juice (thank you farms to pharms and Dr. C). So, this is just that. With coconuts. Aaaaaaand it’s not good. But it's hella cultural (hella....can you tell I live with a Californian?).

If you know me well, you know I’ll pretty much eat anything. Like, the other night we were eating dinner and there was this cucumber that was covered in ants and someone held it up and was like “hahaha ew this is covered in ants what if someone ate it” and then I just ate it. Like, gross. That’s where I’m at with eating.

But I won’t drink tuba. 

I tried it, didn’t hate it so much, but didn’t enjoy it at all. (“Peach iced tea, you’re gonna hate it.”) I think my brain gets confused around it because it smells like food, but then it’s not food because it’s a drink. So, you can see my hesitation to consume it.

Last weekend, there was another traditional dance in one of the villages in the Gagil municipality. It was at a stone money bank on the grounds where they hold Yap Day, a multi-day cultural celebration that takes place every March. It was cool - we got a tour of the area before the dances and we got to see some of the remains of a school that was built and used while Yap was under Japanese occupation. Good stuff, rich history. I dig it.

local dance feat. stone money.

OH! Tamil movie night! THE FREAKING BEST (sorry for saying “freaking,” mom. Sometimes you just really gotta grab life, ya know?). So another one of our Peace Corps friends, Laurel, lives with a host family in Tamil. And if I haven’t said this already, Tamil knows what’s up. They have their stuff together. They kind of remind me of The Others in Lost. Even the way some of their buildings are set up, it kind of looks like the school grounds and stuff. Wild. I was feeling a lot like Kate. Except I'm not caught up in a love triangle at the moment. In due time.

 — side note — remember when Jeff watched ALL of Lost in one week during spring break 2011? And emerged from his cave at the end of the week with bloodshot eyes, a full beard, and nothing in his stomach except for hot pockets and goldfish? Classic Peg.

They have this big lawn in the middle of the municipality and on the lawn is a big screen where they project a double-feature every other Saturday night. So Laurel invited us up a couple of weeks ago and they showed the new Ghostbusters movie and the new Independence Day. It was pretty legit. 

In honor of Halloween, they had another movie night the following weekend. They played Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin, Betelgeuse, and Suicide Squad.

L

O

L

Did you see Suicide Squad? When I saw that was the last movie, I kept laughing to myself and thinking about Jeff and our friend Zach and all of the jokes we had about that movie at the end of the summer before it even came out. Then it came and went and I never saw it, so it took me coming all the way to Yap to understand that it was just as bad (if not worse) than everyone said it was. What a dumb movie. Like, it didn’t even make sense?! But maybe it didn’t make sense because I fell asleep for over an hour.

Dafrad, our beast of a neighbor, just completed his altar server training, so Abby and I went to watch his second mass as a server on All Souls Day. Like I said before, he's a total beast. Brought me back to my early days as an altar server and all of the jokes we used to make. "Tennis shoes Mr. Ackels?" "Caaanes, Mr. Bob?" All I remember is fighting with my siblings over cross, book, or bells. Book was where it was at.

6. Update on things I need - 

Taylor Swift’s Red album. I need to listen to "Treacherous" right now. NEED. Also "State of Grace". And all the rest of it, except for “Stay, Stay, Stay” because that is the biggest farce of all time.

Veggie Straws, because they don’t have them here but I did find a bag of “Veggie Chips” at the store the other day and it was $17 which is less than a gallon of ice cream at select stores so obviously I have better ways to spend my limited dough.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, or whichever one is the fifth one because I just finished the fourth and DANG I DON’T KNOW HOW ANYONE READ THESE BOOKS WITH GAPS OF TIME IN BETWEEN. Talk about zesty. 

7. Update on things I don’t need - 

A machete. Because I got my own. And it’s totally zesty. So far I have used it to cut down trees, open coconuts, and pick up leeches (because ew, I’m not touching those with my bare hands).

8. Update on random thoughts that I have - 

The stars here are absolutely unreal. Because it is still raining all the time, the sky is not typically clear at night. But when it is, WOOO. Breathtaking. 

I mean, think about it. I’m on a tiny little island in the middle of the ocean. Imagine how well you can see stars in a place that is covered by real darkness? It’s so amazing. I wish I could photograph it, but I don’t have a sweet camera. But I think not photographing them makes the nights where I go outside and lay on the ground and gaze at the sky just a little more special.

I can’t stop thinking about how much I love stars and flowers. Both of these things are so beautiful here. The flowers that grow in my backyard are those that would cost unbelievable amounts of money to include in an arrangement at home. It’s kind of crazy to think about. I am being exposed to two things I love very much, it’s great to take the time to appreciate them. 

I am almost 23 years old. My Jordan year, as they say. I don’t know what to do with it. Suggestions are welcome. I just keep thinking about how all of the birthday presents I got from my friends last year were food. Is that the legacy I want to keep? Absolutely. My cousin doots taught me a very important lesson when I was little. She told me her life motto was, “Food is good. Eat it.” And so I did. All the time. And I still do. 

I’d cut my right arm off for some kib right now. 

taking advantage of days where we get invited to beachfront properties.

Shout out to all of my siblings. You guys are seriously the best. Aaaaand scene.

Shout out to all you fine people who are continuing to send me letters and to those who are still reading this blog. It means a lot that you are taking the time to sit down and spend a little time with me. I feel it. Helps me to ignore the vast distance between us. ILY.

One final note - I’m very much anticipating the election this week. Not to sound all “I’m better than you,” but if I can vote from Yap, you can vote too. Don’t waste your right. No matter the outcome, something insane is going to happen. Be a part of it.

Much love to all my peeps and to my mom's friends who I have never met that also read this blog. You're my heroes.

zoo typhoon.

The past couple of weeks have been really eventful! So this is me. Bringing you an update. Live, from #typhoonday2k16. More on this later.

First, I have one word for you:

Lavalava.

My neighbor, Angie, is from one of the outer islands of Yap. She’s a total beast, I love her. She is part of a group of women who make lavalava (a traditional, rectangular piece of woven cloth that is worn as a skirt) and sell them to raise a pool of money that is used to pay for medical bills and other unexpected costs that come as a consequence of being a human being.

details of the thread used for my lavalava.

In order to support her (but also in a desperate attempt to look cool (because lavalava are sick)) I bought a lavalava from Angie last week. On Wednesday, I was so bold as to wear it to school. Angie had showed me how to tie it properly, and I felt like I was killin’ it. 

But am I ever killin’ anything? Nope.

After like eight seconds of being at school, I felt like Gob Bluth. “I’ve made a huge mistake.” 

A few people had reminded me that I needed to wear a belt to keep the lavalava in place all day, but of course I ignored every single one. I felt like the way I had fashioned it was beyond secure, but I soon realized that was only true while I was standing still. Once I started walking, it was all over. 

So guess what I did? I used binder clips (you read that correctly) to keep everything in place. It was either that or… no, there was no alternative. Lower-half nudity is no option here, though I could technically go topless whenever I want. 

A lot of the students seemed impressed that I wore a lavalava to school, though they probably weren’t impressed by the way I was wearing it. It was super obvious that I was doing it wrong, so I’ll have to try harder next time. Livelive and learnlearn.

insane.

So here’s a thing that we do. Every Thursday, we order cheeseburgers from this place called Fasmingo. It’s the best. Crystal, the woman who owns the place, knows that each week we order 6+ burgers and someone from school will grab them to bring them back to campus. We call it “Burg Thurs,” because abbreving is still as cool as it was in 2011 lol. It is such a highlight of my week, and the burgers are way good. If someone can name a time in the past 5 years I ate a burger in the states, I’ll mail you a dollar. I rarely eat burgs, but now I need my Thurs fix. “Oh, how the turn tables.”

Nick and me with our neighbors, Dafrad and Summer. Don't let that stank face fool you, Summer might be the happiest child alive.

The past two weekends, my girls have been participating in a volleyball tournament. And let me tell you, I have no coaching abilities. I’m probably exactly what all of you expect - there to look good, give moral support, shout things like “side out” and “good eye” and “nice serve” and “control your passes” and “call it!” … aaaaaand that’s about it. But I will also tell you that it’s been super enjoyable to watch these girls play. Though we haven’t won a game yet (woof), there has been real improvement. It is also nice to spend time with some of the students outside of the traditional school setting. They’re all so funny.

ship at the end of the rainbow.

On Friday, it was my co-worker Mike’s birthday. Mike is the best. I feel like everyone knows a Mike that’s just awesome, and this one is mine. He’s a Jesuit in formation, and he’s entirely wonderful. 

For his birthday, we all had dinner together and then we convinced him to come out with us after. And if you know me well enough, you know I don’t love bars and such. Even here, where there are like three places you can even buy a drink, I still don’t find my self being super into that scene. But Friday proved to be a wonderful night out. I don’t know. I think I just realized while I was out that I actually know a lot of locals and it was nice to hang out with them in a casual setting. It’s weird to be in a place where I’m like kind of old (almost 23 whaaaat) but also still making new friends. I don’t hate it.

left to right: Abby, Devi, Mike, Me, Nick, Sarah. 6/10 YCHS teachers.

Saturday was one of the best days since I’ve been here. It’s hard for me to motivate myself to get out and go do things sometimes because it can be difficult to find things to do here. But I ended up going on a really beautiful hike with Kyle, another expat on the island. The trail is well maintained, and the views were unbelievable. The pictures don’t even come close. Not even a little bit. 

you can't even tell how high up we are, but this is the view of the Pacific from the Western side of the island.

But yeah, the hike was great, and then afterwards we had coconuts, which are quickly becoming the most important thing in my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I can’t just climb a tree and chop down a coconut at the end of all of this.

falling in love with living in the jungle.

Okay, time for typhoon news. 

Did you guys ever play Zoo Tycoon? That was one of my favorite computer games growing up, only rivaled by Reading Blasters and Freddy Fish. Oh, and Oregon Trail (Catherine Brandt…you out there?). 

But anyway, Zoo Tycoon was the best. You could build your own zoo, take care of the animals, and make sure the visitors were happy. I have one really vivid memory of playing this game with my cousin, Matt once as a family party was dying down.

It was the first time I had ever played, so Matty kind of took the reigns. We opened a new zoo and he set up two pens. We used the cheapest fencing to make a large rectangle in the grass, and then divided it right down the middle. On one side, we put a bunch of dinosaur eggs and hired scientists to hatch them (#blessed that we had access to such resources in this CD-ROM world) and on the other side he put at least 100 chimpanzees. So we have a quiet front where eggs are incubating, and then an out-of-control barrel of monkeys. All we needed were some spectators, so in they came. But of course the story doesn’t end here.

Once the dinosaurs hatched and there were dozens of people looking at them, Matt removed the fence that segregated the two species just moments before. And since that wasn’t enough to entertain us, he also removed the surrounding fence altogether. So in an instant, humans and beasts were intermingling in the most terrifying way. 

This is not a joke, not even slightly exaggerated. The dinosaurs began picking up people in their mouths, shaking them around, and flinging their bodies across the screen. Chimps were attacking each other, the dinosaurs, and the people. EVERYONE was unhappy (and you get a notification each moment any person/animal/creature in the game is remotely uncomfortable, so there were unhappy red faces popping up all over the place). In my 9 year old existence, that was one of the funniest experiences of my life. 

Anyway, all that to say there was a typhoon this week. And typhoon sounds like tycoon. So here we are.

You’re annoyed that that’s the connection here. I know it.

But whatever, this is my blog so I get to call the shots. The typhoon brought lots (and lots and lots) of rain. And let me tell you, I loved it. More than probably anyone else on the island. I’m obsessed with storms, which we don’t get super often here. Sure, it rains all the time, but as of now I’ve only heard thunder once on this island and it was just the other night. It was so lovely.

I mean...

So over this past weekend, I had heard talk from various people about a typhoon or a tropical storm coming, but I honestly didn’t think much of it until I ran to the grocery store to pick up bread on Sunday morning.

Oh - let me interrupt myself quickly to make you all aware of one of my favorite weekly occurrences on Yap:

Each week on the Saturday night flight from Palau, a shipment of freshly baked goods arrives to be sold at one grocery store, Aces, on Sundays. Typically, everything is sold out by noon-ish, so you have to get there early enough to snag the goods. 

just one of several tables hosting the bread from Palau.

We always buy a few loaves of wheat bread for the house, but if we’re lucky, there are other things. Like DOUGHNUTS. 

This past Sunday, I was pleasantly surprised by the absolute HAUL that had come in the night before. And yes, they had doughnuts. I’m all about doughnuts. So of course I capitalized on the opportunity and brought some home. It was glorious.

But anyway, back to the typhoon. I realized that it might actually get bad because there were a billion people at the store (and there are only 8,000 on the island) and everyone was buying canned food. So I was like “wha-wha-wha-what dog?” and then literally went about the rest of my day as if the typhoon wasn’t coming. Didn’t think about it once.

Monday morning, I woke up suuuuper sleepy. It was an “I can’t, I’m sick. *cough, cough*” kind of morning. Sarah and I got ready at the apartment and drove up to the house to pick up the other teachers, like we always do. 

And that’s when it happened. 

Devi (what a saint), standing at the door to greet us happily, says, “Michael just called, we don’t have school because of the typhoon!” 

7:00 am excitement.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Okay, let me describe this feeling for you. My siblings, especially, should be able to relate. Though I know for a FACT Jennifer is the only one of you who reads this blog, so thanks a lot, Law School & JT.

Remember in our SMS days when we’d go to bed after watching the news and Pete Delkus would be like “hey, it might snow tonight, but don’t get too excited — it won’t stick!” and then while we were asleep mom would see on the news that school was in fact cancelled because of “snow” and she’d still wake us up at the normal time and say, “guess what, no school!” and in our sleepy excitement the boys would come into my room and the four of us would watch Freaky Friday or Kicking and Screaming or Cinderella Story or something of equal quality. Dang. Those were the days.

But that’s EXACTLY how I felt this morning at 7:10 when Devi told us there was no school. Except instead of watching a wholesome movie with my siblings in the dark before we went outside to play in one centimeter of ice, I watched Nick take a shot of rum before we went to make a lap around the lagoon and hit all of the grocery stores to buy things to help us survive if need be.

when you dress for comfort >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Of course we bought the essentials, like these chicken patties. And hold up, these deserve a shout out. If these chicken patties didn’t exist on the island, I can’t say with any level of certainty that I’d still be alive. So here’s to you, chicken p’s, for giving me life week after week. I love you with an appropriate portion of my heart (probably somewhere around 73%).

So #typhoonday2k16 turned out to be a bust here on Yap — it hardly rained at all on our day off until dinnertime, actually. But the storm did hit other islands pretty hard, so don’t forget to keep those people in your thoughts. The weather was probably the nicest it’s been in weeks, and the day was super fun as well. We cleaned the whole house during the morning, got burgs for lunch even though it’s not Thurs, watched The Purge (stupid), and then I took a nap on the floor, just for fun. 

Shout out to my genetic lineup for giving me the superhuman ability to sleep anywhere and everywhere. It is my greatest gift and my biggest curse.

But yeah, that should bring you all up to date.

Oh, and an extra shout out to all the people who read my last blog post and then took it upon themselves to start giving me either life advice or real suggestions about school/career paths that seem like a good fit for me. You guys are the best - it feels good to feel known in that way. I love you all and am grateful for your guidance.

That should do it until next week! Can’t believe I’ve been out here for over two months now. Thank you all for your continued support. I couldn’t do this without you, and I mean that very sincerely and very literally. Y’all are the best! Thanks for reading :)

ladies leave your man at home.

This week, Yap is hosting the Federated States of Micronesia’s National Women’s Conference. It’s pretty sweet - leaders from the four states of the FSM as well as leaders and ambassadors from various pacific nations have gathered here on this lil’ bitty island to talk about la-la-la ladies, ladies.

They’re hitting hot topics like human trafficking, gender equality, and females in the government. It’s pretty sweet, honestly. I’m really pumped that this is happening because these leaders, male and female, are having really open and honest conversations about how to move forward with women’s rights.

Traditionally, women cannot hold power in the FSM, in a family unit or in the government. They have strong voices and have a lot of influence in nearly every decision that is made both in their families and in politics, but they are never the ones who get to publicly stand up and share this voice. Everything must go through a man. It’s not an oppressive thing, it’s just cultural. But some aspects of this culture are a bit outdated. 

From what I’ve gathered in the short two months that I’ve been here, many people, especially the young people on the island, have very mixed feelings about the deterioration of the culture here. Each day, Yap is becoming more modernized. 

Examples: a Chinese company has allegedly bought private beachfront property from families who live on the northern end of the island so they can turn that area into a resort. Another company is set to install a fiber optic cable on the island sometime in the next year so that the internet service here will be better. Men and women are breaking out of some of their more traditional roles in daily life. People are choosing to dress in modern outfits rather than in their traditional clothing. A lot is changing - some of it is very good, very progressive, but sometimes this progression is negative. 

There are a lot of beautiful aspects of the culture here, and for the most part this is appreciated by the locals. I talk to my students about this frequently, especially in Micronesian history. They feel very torn. On one hand, they want to dress like people in the US, they want cell phones and Facebook pages, they want to dye their hair and wear makeup. But on the other hand, they want to participate in traditional dances and ceremonies with the people in their village, or go to taro patches with their mothers or fishing with their fathers on the weekends. Some crave an opportunity to get off of this island and stay off for good, while others want to get an education elsewhere and return to their home and sustain it and help it flourish. I see both sides. I feel torn as well, though I am only looking from the outside.

Sunday sunsets with some pals.

I love this culture. I love culture in general. I can’t get enough of it. I like all of the little things, like the quirky social guidelines. However foreign they may seem to me at times, I always appreciate them. It is important to have culture and to respect it, take pride in it.

Anyway, earlier this week, one village performed some of their traditional dances to kick off the week of Women’s Conference activities. Two of our students were part of this performance, so of course we went to watch. It was SO COOL. I really enjoyed it! It made me feel so proud of them for not feeling embarrassed about embracing their culture. I spoke to one of the students the next day during homeroom and she told me that sometimes it is hard to want to participate in such events because it’s not the “cool” thing to do. But I get it. When I was growing up and no one knew what hummus was, I was always embarrassed to explain what that weird tan stuff was in my school lunch. But look at hummus now! Someday soon, all of you will know how to do traditional dances from Yap. They’ll be trending, I know it.

I had a video of the dances to post here, but I'm having trouble uploading it. "Maybe next week?" she asks with just a faint twinge of hope in her voice.

Guess who was at the performance?! PETER CHRISTIAN! *cue fangirl screams* Ahhhh!!!!!! 

Don’t know who Peter Christian is? It’s cool, neither did I until like two weeks ago. 

He’s the President of the FSM! He’s the leader of a nation. A real deal President. And he just casually strolled into the community center with his first lady to watch this dance the other night. Sat in a metal folding chair with a piece of paper taped to it that said “President Christian” as we sat just behind him in the bleachers. I was hanging with a world leader, people. I probably think that’s way cooler than you do, but whatever.

This is me trying to play it cool in front of Prez Christian. He's on the far left, in the navy shirt, just being a boss.

Random thought of the week:

I don’t think I’ve fully adjusted to the cold shower thing yet. 

Each day when I take a shower, I literally stand in the bathroom just after I turn the water on and just stare at it with my arms crossed, like a five year old about to be put in a dentist’s chair. “You really expect me to do that? I’m not going in there.” I’m such a brat about it for like half a minute before I suck it up and just go for it.

I came up with a good strategy, though. Now, before I take a shower, I close the window in my room and turn off my fan and just stand in the sweatbox I’ve created for a few minutes until I can’t take it anymore and the thought of ice cold water hitting my body sounds better than jasmine rice from Med Sand Co. at 3 am or a coke icee or marrying Nick Jonas in 2009.

Might as well get real for a minute or two. (that’s a good segue, right?)

Want to know the truth about my life here? It’s hard. And I knew it would be, I think we all did. But seriously, guys, it’s so hard. 

I don’t say this so you’ll think, “Wow, she’s so strong. It’s hard but she hasn’t come home. She’s so great.” Nooooo no. No. Not at all. I say this because I want to be honest. I don’t want you to think it’s all sunshine and rainbows for me (though there’s a whole lot of sunshine and a whole lot of rain). 

I feel so weak sometimes. Real people live here, I’m just here for a few months. Why is it hard for me to be here? Why can’t I just deal with it? What, specifically, is it that’s challenging me so much? Why am I being such a baby?

I think the hardest thing for me right now is the fact that being so far away is forcing me to learn more about myself…and I’m not so sure I’m liking what I’m finding out. I’m learning that I don’t know what I want to do with my life. 

I know what you’re thinking — who actually does know what they want to do with their life when they’re almost 23? 

Seems like a lot of people know. Or at least kind of know. 

I don’t even know what I’m good at. Or what I like. Or what I’m passionate about.

I’d like to say I’m ambitious, but am I really? What am I working towards? What are my goals, long term or short term? 

Dude. I don’t know.

So my gut instinct is to start researching grad schools. Out west, of course. 

My thinking was that I would start looking at what programs are actually offered and some magical word will jump off the page and say, “Madeleine, THIS is what you were made for! You were made to get a master’s in ________! You finally found me, your destiny!”

Obviously that didn’t happen. Because this is real life.

I read list after list of programs offered at the top (and bottom…) schools in every state west of the Mississippi. And there was nothing. Not one single thing stood out. Nothing sounded good. Nothing sounded right for me. Nothing seemed interesting or cool or exciting. Nothing sparked my interest or aligned with my passions.

So I ranted to my fellow volunteers about this. “What are you good at?” they asked. 

I don’t know.

“Well, what are you passionate about?”

…I, uh… I don’t know. Well, like, I do know. But you can’t make a career out of loving people and traveling and music and food.

“Hmmm. Well, what do you like? Like what is something you could see yourself enjoying?”

GUYS, I DON’T KNOW.

So that’s where I am with that right now. Put a pin in it. But I’m thinking probably not with grad school 2k17.

Okay, okay. Time for good things.

About a week or two ago, a GINORMOUS cargo ship came to port in good ol’ Yap. And let me tell you, it was full of treasure. Two treasures, in particular.

The first treasure was pure gold. Cheddar, if you will.

That’s right people. Cheddar freaking cheese. On this island. 

You better believe I bought a very expensive block of the good stuff - Medium Cheddar, because mild’s for sissies and they didn’t have hard. But I’m not complaining. CHEDDAR CHEESE. 

I brought that sucker home and bit a huge bite right off the corner and just took a minute to praise the captain of that cargo ship for delivering the cheddar I didn’t know I needed. 

Just going for it.

The other good I was particularly fond of in this delivery is what’s called a UFO - unidentified frozen object. It tastes just like a moon pie, except there’s vanilla ice cream in the middle instead of whipped cream. It’s two oatmeal cookies with ice cream sandwiched between them, and then the whole thing is dipped in a chocolate shell. SO. GOOD. And so affordable. Nick and I went several days (in a row, but who’s keeping track) to pick one up and enjoy them quickly before they melt in this equatorial heat. 

We felt reassured after our Tuesday UFO venture, noticing a whole box full of UFOs just beneath the nearly empty box from which we grabbed our daily treat. So all day Wednesday, I kept thinking, “Yes! Today’s a mail day and then after the post office I’ll grab a UFO and then grade the 20 literature papers that I have to read in one night (woof).” So I got some mail (thanks peeps, I’ve been writing all of you back, don’t worry) and headed over to Blue Lagoon, my favorite grocer in town, where my hopes of grading papers in a blissful state post-ice cream indulgence were VIOLENTLY CRUSHED as I looked in the freezer and saw that there was not a single UFO left. Nick and I are opening a legitimate investigation to find out who bought the whole case. Shouldn’t be too hard to find the culprit, there aren’t that many people here.

Something cool/fun that I got invited to do this past weekend was go fishing. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but Sarah, the girl I share my apartment with, is so great. She’s so friendly and personable and she cares about every person she encounters. She’s really good at meeting new people and befriending them. So I owe most of my local friendships to her.

Anyway, she and two of the women that live in our building have become pretty good pals. These two ladies invited us to join them for a 5 am excursion to go fishing last Saturday, so of course we said yes! I’m always down to fish. 

We didn’t catch anything (surprise, surprise. I’m the worst luck to have around) but I saw an eel so that was pretty sweet. Later that day, after we went back to sleep and woke up again, they invited us over for lunch. It was really lovely to a) be invited somewhere and b) feel taken care of by a neighbor. Someone cooking for you is such a great and underrated act of love and care. I so appreciated their thoughtfulness and their company. It was a good day.

Last thing before I’m finished for the week - I have a shout out. 

Cheers to you, Rachel Failla, for mailing me a crisp Jackson and thus funding my next gallon of ice cream. I thought for two seconds about branching out for this second gallon and getting something fun, like cookies and cream (because there is usually only chocolate, vanilla, and a red flavor with a blue swirl, appropriately named “Superman” (who’s flavor is just as mysterious as a man with supernatural powers)) but NOPE I just got chocolate because it’s the best thing that ever happened to mankind - followed by democracy, live comedy shows, and corn (in that order). Thanks for being a real homie. I now have a spoonful of sugar to look forward to every day after school for the next month.

It's October. Go Rangers.

Sports Jeff, terrorizing St. Louis fans one season at a time.